913. - Ella Quittner

Speaker A: All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it 3 times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? Speaker B: We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

Speaker A: All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. How Long Gone, Chris Black, Daddy's Little Bitch. I'm back in New York. The rain, the rain is coming down, but I made it and time to podcast. It's been a long journey today, but I'm happy to be here. I had a late afternoon, uh, uncut cold brew as soon as I walked through the door, so I'm ready to fucking rock, TJ. Speaker B: Okay, you ready to settle in and just enjoy the home for a while now?

You've been traveling so much, or are you gonna go on an international flight tomorrow? Speaker A: Uh, yeah, tomorrow. Uh, yeah, tomorrow night, back, back on road. I gotta shoot at 9:00 AM and then finish that at 3:00. Got to hit the gym, repack, and then we're hitting— we're hitting Gay Paris, 9:30 PM from JFK. The game don't stop, baby. Speaker A: Uh, yeah, tomorrow. Uh, yeah, tomorrow night, back, back on road. I gotta shoot at 9:00 AM and then finish that at 3:00. Got to hit the gym, repack, and then we're hitting— we're hitting Gay Paris, 9:30 PM from JFK.

The game don't stop, baby. Speaker B: One petite red-eye flight. Did you select your meal? I need to select my motherfucking meal. Air France. Oh, I ain't— Speaker A: it's like, Air France is good. Air France, I'm sure. Air France, la première is good. I'm not, um— I will hopefully eat before or bring my own. What I like to do is hit, um, get a little sushi and bring it, uh, to the airport if time allows. It's one of my favorite little, uh, little hacks. Speaker B: Since I'm a straight guy, I can't do anything like that, so I'll be having, uh, I'll be having the finest French chef's crafty meal involving les petites poultry and fish.

Speaker A: Honestly, though, honestly, nothing is straighter than eating the food on the plane. I've never thought about that before, but really, that's like the straightest shit you could do. Speaker B: It's free food and it's here. What are you talking— I mean, yeah, that's— that is— Speaker A: I got the game on. Speaker B: Unless you own a restaurant and have ability to like have them pack something up for you or whatever, but stopping to get sushi to like get ahead of your eating while you're traveling, yeah, you just can't do it.

Speaker C: I, well, I— Speaker B: Unless it's a snack. Speaker A: I can and I do, bitch. So how about that? Okay. Speaker B: The only straight way to do it, to bring your own meal, is to eat it and also consume the airplane meal as well. Speaker A: Oh shit. Okay. Speaker C: I, well, I— Speaker B: Unless it's a snack. Speaker A: I can and I do, bitch. So how about that? Okay. Speaker B: The only straight way to do it, to bring your own meal, is to eat it and also consume the airplane meal as well.

Speaker A: Oh shit. Okay. Speaker C: Yeah. Speaker B: Yeah. A lot of people talk about, you know, the Huel meal replacement shake. Speaker A: We're doing both. You're saying we're hitting both. Speaker C: Yeah. Speaker B: I was talking I talked to my friend Devin today. Shoutouts to Devin. Speaker A: Shoutout to Devin. Speaker B: And he was, you know, he's a tech guy. He's working. He doesn't have time. He's too busy vibe coding to have a broccoli and chicken breast brown rice plate. So he said he drinks a little Huel shake, 40 grams of protein, you know, while you're clacking away on the Figma or whatever.

Speaker A: Yeah. Speaker B: And he's like, why don't you have those? And I told him 4 hours ago, I care about meals too much to replace them. So I have to— I just have to add it to the pile. Speaker A: I'm kind of with you on that. Like, I don't— I don't need to— I don't know. I enjoyed them too much as well. Speaker B: Because like you say it all the time, like, this is kind of all I got. Speaker A: Yeah. Speaker B: It's like chocolate, chocolate hot fudge sundae cake is sort of all you got.

Speaker A: You can't— if you start— if you start sort of approaching life like that for everything, it can get dark quick. Speaker B: And you're— yeah, you're— your level of joy is already so suboptimal. Speaker A: I haven't had joy in— I mean, I haven't had joy since I was a child, probably. So I don't know. Speaker B: Do you remember your last last moment of pure joy before you got happiness mogged by— Speaker A: probably right, probably right before I woke up in the hospital. Speaker B: Um, that's probably, probably before I saved my life and turned my existence around for—

Speaker B: Do you remember your last last moment of pure joy before you got happiness mogged by— Speaker A: probably right, probably right before I woke up in the hospital. Speaker B: Um, that's probably, probably before I saved my life and turned my existence around for— Speaker A: I'm joking. Speaker B: I actually enjoyed happiness. Speaker A: I experienced it. I actually, I experience happiness all the time. I think joy is very different. I think joy feels like a word that can only be applied to someone that hasn't had much, um, hasn't had life kind of chew them up and spit them out in any way.

Speaker B: You know what I mean? You, you say joy and happiness are very different things. I will, I will say maybe they're, uh, they're different things. I don't know if I'm gonna say they're very different things though. Speaker A: No, very— no, you're right, you're right, you're right. Speaker B: They're at the very, at the very least, they're both positive things. Speaker A: Actually, you know what, I did, I did, I did experience some joy today. Actually, now that I'm thinking about this, because I told you guys, I told you guys this in the group shot, in the group chat, but I got off the plane and I'm kind of hustling because I want to get back in time to do a little organization for the pod.

And I, you know, once you get out of security, once you kind of get off the plane, you're going through JFK, go get a cab. There's a bathroom on the right, right before you get, you know, right before you have to walk across the arrivals lounge. Speaker B: I'm familiar with that toilet area. Speaker A: I'm going there to, to, um, expel my bowels from all the water I drank on the, on the plane. And I look over and there's an older gentleman, um, cutting his hair in the, in the sink at the, at the airport.

Like, like a pair of real— like, he, he— some— he brought a pair of scissors, which I didn't think you could do because they were pretty real scissors. Speaker B: I'm familiar with that toilet area. Speaker A: I'm going there to, to, um, expel my bowels from all the water I drank on the, on the plane. And I look over and there's an older gentleman, um, cutting his hair in the, in the sink at the, at the airport. Like, like a pair of real— like, he, he— some— he brought a pair of scissors, which I didn't think you could do because they were pretty real scissors.

Speaker B: But yeah, go ahead. Speaker A: He wasn't cutting his hair— I'm just saying he wasn't cutting his hair with like nail clippers, you know what I mean? It's like a pretty real— it was a pretty— and he had like a And this wasn't like some freak. It looked like anybody's kind of dad, but his hair was overgrown, I would say. Speaker B: Okay, um, I've got some ideas. I have some thoughts. Speaker A: He was hacking, he was hacking away at it, like, and everybody in the bathroom was sort of like, yo, what's good?

Because the hair was getting everywhere, and it was just sort of like this every— it was just sort of this moment that everybody had together. It's like, I don't know, man, just leave it. Let's just leave the guy alone and keep it moving. Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, it reminds me of just the season finale of Industry, no spoilers, but there was a character where he was in some hot water with some Russian folks, F-O-L-X, and he was trying to maybe think about fleeing the country and he was assembling a last-minute disguise.

So you'll see a Catch Me If You Can type shit, Identity Thief. But yeah, so he's on the run and he's got to do an emergency haircut in an airport bathroom. Speaker A: You might be right. And maybe that's why, right? Maybe everybody else like kind of realized that and that's why they were leaving him alone. And I was the odd man out because I've never seen a movie. So I wasn't really thinking. I wasn't really thinking. Speaker B: Go up to this international espionage criminal and you say, what you doing?

Actually, you write for GQ and I have really, um, I just have a few questions about men's hairstyles. Speaker A: If you want me to help fade the back up a little bit, I can. If you have, if you have clippers, I'm happy to help. What is that? Speaker B: Is that a 2? Is that a 2 or is that a 4? What are you running on? Speaker A: I was just really thrown off because I was like, wow, I've been in so many airports, I've seen so much weird shit, this might take the cake.

But now that espionage is involved, it makes it a little sexier, you know? It's not— that's right, it's not the guy with his bare feet, you know, putting them up on the wall, you know, in Delta 1 or anything like that. Speaker B: Wasn't that— he was fine. That guy has— is— he has smuggling zero things up his keister if he's got his shoes off, feet up on the wall. Speaker A: Not the keister. I, uh, Also, there was a big, you know, Harry Styles cover of Runner's World, which I think is a, you know, last, last album for Harry's House.

He did— he was on the COVID of a British interiors magazine called House Beautiful, I believe. Speaker B: House Beautiful. Speaker A: So he's, he's doing— I do appreciate this because if you're him, you can call any magazine you want and be like, hey, I got an album coming out. What do you guys want to do? So like next album, if he's into fly fishing, you know, Garden and Gun cover. I just— where does this end? Speaker C: You know what I mean? Speaker A: He could do— he could do whatever he wants.

Speaker B: This is the thing that, that I think about and see all the time. It's no longer enough to just be the thing that you are. It's no longer, you know, I'm a model, I have to be a model who's also into horses, or I have to be an international pop star. And then they're like, yeah, but like, what do you do? What are you into? Oh, you like sourdough baking? You like running? Speaker C: You know what I mean? Speaker A: He could do— he could do whatever he wants.

Speaker B: This is the thing that, that I think about and see all the time. It's no longer enough to just be the thing that you are. It's no longer, you know, I'm a model, I have to be a model who's also into horses, or I have to be an international pop star. And then they're like, yeah, but like, what do you do? What are you into? Oh, you like sourdough baking? You like running? Speaker A: Because he— Speaker B: Japanese wrestling? Otherwise they have no— they have no nothing to talk like Jimmy Fallon has nothing to ask you about if you're not a figure skater who's also into music.

Speaker A: I don't think this is— I don't think this is fair. I don't think this is fair of you to take these celebrities down to the studs. They can only do one thing. Speaker B: It's not the celebrity's fault. It's the system's fault for not being— well, I think you can't just be anything anymore. Like, what do you mean? You're just a hot person who's an amazing musician. Oh, well, no, you also have to be like— you also have to have a Substack about being a, uh, you know, dog mom or something.

Speaker A: Well, that, that I agree is like— Substack's always the problem. I'm talking about, I just think that people are allowed to have hobbies, but now we have to exploit those hobbies for, for gain, which I agree with. But I think that in the case of Bella Hadid, I think she's a real horse girl. I think she's been doing that since she was a kid. And in the case of— because Harry ran the sub-3 marathon, um, it's sort of like he's, he gets a pat, like he's, he's good in any running hood.

From what I understand. Speaker B: He is, he is. Speaker A: But, but I love the pictures. This, this woman Laura Jane Colson took the pictures. Speaker B: Those are good. I agree. Speaker A: There's one where he's in like an ice bath. It's quite good. But I was just like, this is clever, obviously, you know, having, having, um, you know, I just, I, I appreciate it. I don't know. I think it's, I think it's funny to be able to do this and, and sort of go shirtless without it being weird, you know what I mean?

Speaker B: He is, he is. Speaker A: But, but I love the pictures. This, this woman Laura Jane Colson took the pictures. Speaker B: Those are good. I agree. Speaker A: There's one where he's in like an ice bath. It's quite good. But I was just like, this is clever, obviously, you know, having, having, um, you know, I just, I, I appreciate it. I don't know. I think it's, I think it's funny to be able to do this and, and sort of go shirtless without it being weird, you know what I mean?

Speaker B: Well, one thing But he said that he started running to dance music mixes exclusively. What do you think about that? Speaker A: That doesn't surprise me. I feel like a lot of people— I think a lot of runners from the ones that I'm friends with, especially the more serious ones, I think you're trying to hit that Nirvana trance-like state. Speaker B: And ironically, Nirvana won't do that for you. Speaker A: Exactly. Speaker C: Yeah. Speaker A: Trance might. Nirvana won't. So I think that I sort of— I get that.

I think for running specifically, it makes a lot of sense, especially if you're doing long distance because you sort of want to get into the flow. Which I feel like electronic music does better than any other genre. Speaker B: Yes. And I think they were— he mentioned something saying like, you know, if you, if you have your playlist of songs, then you're able to sort of get in your head and gamify. They're like, all right, well, yes, I do. Speaker A: I used to do that when I ran Black Hole Sun.

Speaker B: Soundgarden's playing right now. That means I only got 7 more songs left and each song is averaging, you know, 3 minutes and 41 seconds. I've had time to do the math. Speaker A: So that's real. Speaker B: That means I've got 3.8 more miles left to go. Speaker A: When you're, when you're listening to free jazz, you know, it's a little harder to sort of time your splits, you know, in your own head. That's real though, you do. I think that's why a lot of runners, like real runner heads, like all those guys I was with in Jackson Hole, they're like basically like listening to music is for pussies.

Like if you need, if you need music, like you're in the wrong game. Yeah. I'm like, dude, I don't know, bro, if you're doing 250 miles, I need something. I don't know, but maybe a snack. Speaker A: So that's real. Speaker B: That means I've got 3.8 more miles left to go. Speaker A: When you're, when you're listening to free jazz, you know, it's a little harder to sort of time your splits, you know, in your own head. That's real though, you do. I think that's why a lot of runners, like real runner heads, like all those guys I was with in Jackson Hole, they're like basically like listening to music is for pussies.

Like if you need, if you need music, like you're in the wrong game. Yeah. I'm like, dude, I don't know, bro, if you're doing 250 miles, I need something. I don't know, but maybe a snack. Speaker B: We always gotta push it. We always gotta push it. Speaker A: But the interview, it is cool they got, uh Murakami do the interview though. A known, known runner. But I just thought it was like that, that made it really, um, I feel like that makes— elevates it a little bit. Speaker B: I agree.

I mean, that's how you get, um, Harry's PR to reply to that fucking email. Uh-huh. Uh, so we got Murakami on the line. Speaker A: Oh yeah, Murakami, he's good to go. He's greenlit for this one. He's ready to rock. Um, other than that though, not much, not much happening really. Did you see that video of Trump trying to put the medal on? The guy and he's so fat it's like a choker? No, he's trying to put him out. Speaker B: I saw, I saw it, but I did not click play.

Speaker A: Well, there's also this trend going on where like hot older women are like, this is what I was like, Mom, what were you like in the '90s? And the Goo Goo Dolls plays and it's just a montage of like Drew Barrymore being, you know, the coolest person on earth in the '90s, or, or, um, you know, different members of the Sex and the City cast, Brooke Shields. I've seen, I've seen a bunch of them. But it's another that I just love that I love when the internet trends work in the way they're supposed to, where you actually get to post pictures when you were hotter.

It just keeps— that's what keeps happening, you know what I mean? It just keeps happening. But when you're a celebrity, it's a little different. I feel like we've seen those pictures before, you know what I mean? We know. Speaker B: Yeah, we know. We have some of them saved on a special folder. Speaker A: That's Jason's special folder. Don't go in there. Don't go in there now. I told you, do not go in there. I'm gonna slap you. Speaker B: These are all rare. Fine, this is all pre-surgery, boys. Speaker A: No, we call these— we call these BC right here.

Oh, okay. All right, we do have a guest today. Um, uh, her name is Ella. Speaker B: Any of her fans have already turned this off? Speaker A: Oh, definitely. They've already— yeah, they fast forward if nothing else. Uh, Ella Quitner, uh, is her name. She has a new cookbook, uh, Obsessed with the Best. I, I really like this concept for a cookbook. Where it's sort of like, I really went to the mat to try to find the best of everything and I'm reporting back to you now. I think a lot of head-to-head testing is something that we aren't doing a lot of these days as a culture.

Speaker B: You like a bench test? Well, you know, I think I'm glad that you're excited and we found a cookbook with the subject matter that you can sink your teeth into as a person who doesn't cook or own cookbooks. Speaker A: Well, at the— Speaker B: Well, but except the ones that are nice looking, but— Speaker A: Well, at the— but hers I like because at the top it's cookies and at the bottom it's pancakes. Let me tell you something, that's something I wouldn't mind taste testing, if you know what I mean, big dog.

Speaker B: Okay, I know what you mean. Well, I think I'm more interested in figuring out, you know, philosophically, what does the best mean? You know what I mean? Speaker A: Okay, I think you're right, that it means something different to everyone, um, especially a supertaster. All right, let's, uh, let's give her a call. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world.

And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. Speaker B: Okay, I know what you mean. Well, I think I'm more interested in figuring out, you know, philosophically, what does the best mean? You know what I mean? Speaker A: Okay, I think you're right, that it means something different to everyone, um, especially a supertaster. All right, let's, uh, let's give her a call. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason.

It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. Speaker B: A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast 3 times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Speaker A: 3 times a week. And I, I have a feeling, just based on the platform and these talking points, that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do.

That's just a guess. Speaker B: The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Speaker A: Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's 3 times a week. And who couldn't use more news, you know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb.

I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, you're fine, you know, drink more water. Speaker B: He knows how to charge my copay. Speaker A: Exactly. That's about it. As if I could drink more water, doctor. I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and make it better. But Superpower is doing something different. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak.

It's a simple blood draw, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin, mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Speaker B: He knows how to charge my copay. Speaker A: Exactly. That's about it. As if I could drink more water, doctor. I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and make it better.

But Superpower is doing something different. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak. It's a simple blood draw, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin, mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Speaker C: Ooh. Speaker A: So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go.

Superpower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there. Speaker B: Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with Superpower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about Superpower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks. But yeah, this— our pod is not video at all.

It's just, just so we can see each other, but it'll publicly— it'll be only audio. Speaker C: Okay, then I can pull my hair all the way back. Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Speaker B: That's right, you can do whatever and no one will ever know. Speaker C: Can you guys hear my dog? Speaker B: You can even put on your big glasses, just fuck it, nobody's ever gonna know. Speaker C: Okay, then I can pull my hair all the way back. Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Speaker B: That's right, you can do whatever and no one will ever know.

Speaker C: Can you guys hear my dog? Speaker B: You can even put on your big glasses, just fuck it, nobody's ever gonna know. Speaker C: These are actually part of my face. Speaker A: Oh, they are? You're saying you're— you, you're saying these are your daily drivers? Speaker C: No, like I was born like this. People assume I wear Really big glasses, but it's actually a feature. Speaker A: You're saying this is God's plan. He gave them to you. Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Speaker B: Do you have like emotional support clothing items, hats, glasses, goggles, things like that?

Speaker C: Unfortunately, I have a lot and I'm pregnant right now, so it's been like really bad. Like I can't get dressed in a normal way. I literally— being pregnant has turned me into a trucker. Like I have these pajamas. I swear I got them like for free at an airport in 2004 or 2005. I don't know. I don't remember how. They just like are in my life. Speaker A: They have— hold on, do they have Kit Kats on them or anything? SpongeBob? Speaker B: Cookie Monster? Speaker C: Some of them have like a Delta logo and some of them are like just gray, but I like have them.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Speaker A: Some of them? So you mean there's several? Speaker C: Okay, there's this— you're— Speaker A: I think you're— Speaker B: don't bury the lead that you have— that you stole Delta pajamas from the airport in 2004. Speaker C: I have like 8 pairs and they're like so fucked up, like there are holes in the most horrifying places, and I swear like I will wear I wear them out when I go walk my dog in the morning and none of my doormen can make eye contact with me anymore.

Speaker A: They don't want to see that. They said not, no, no, please no. Speaker B: Yeah. Because now you just look like a baby mama that's in the building trapped. Maybe we just got to get her out somehow. Speaker C: I have like 8 pairs and they're like so fucked up, like there are holes in the most horrifying places, and I swear like I will wear I wear them out when I go walk my dog in the morning and none of my doormen can make eye contact with me anymore.

Speaker A: They don't want to see that. They said not, no, no, please no. Speaker B: Yeah. Because now you just look like a baby mama that's in the building trapped. Maybe we just got to get her out somehow. Speaker C: Exactly. I'm like the woman from Room running out of room every time they see me, every time they lay eyes on me at the door. Speaker B: Okay. So, so living like a trucker in that, say more on that. Expand on that. Speaker A: Please. Speaker C: Oh my God, do I have to?

Okay, something— Speaker B: you're like, well, I've been driving a lot lately, cross-country mostly. Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Um, 18-wheeler. Uh, I, you know, famously pregnancy is a very joyless time in a young woman's life, right? You can't drink or do drugs or like technically eat bluefin tuna much. And like literally that's all of my hobbies is like martini. Like the only thing I can do that's my hobby is like talk shit and gossip, but it's like if I'm not I don't even know how to say it. Speaker A: Welcome home, sweetheart.

Welcome home, sweetheart. Speaker B: Yeah. Well, let us scratch that itch this afternoon, Ella. Speaker C: So my, like, new hobby or passion, if you could call it that, like, the only joy in my day is every day in the mid-afternoon, I go out to walk my dog, and I'll, like, go into the Five Guys at the corner across 7th Avenue from me. Uh-oh. And I'll hit the Coke 360 machine. And I'll do like a new mix, like a Diet Coke suicide. Like, I'll do like a Diet Coke. I'll splash in like a Diet Vanilla Coke.

I'll hit it with some Diet Cherry. Speaker B: You are not bench testing the Coca-Cola 360 machine, are you? Speaker C: It's certainly not precise in any way. Speaker B: When you go on the dog walk, do you have a blue roll of masking tape over your wrists? Speaker C: It's actually over my mouth. Yeah. Speaker B: Okay. Over my mouth too. Speaker C: Yeah. And it just says, call 911. Speaker A: So, okay. When you say Coca-Cola 360, for those of us that aren't maybe as familiar familiar with the soda dispensing, uh, our AMC Stubs members are aware of this soda fountain.

I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't, I haven't been to a movie theater in a long time. So you're saying the, the Delta, the Coca-Cola 360, you're saying that you hit the buttons and you can try all the flavors, you can mix, you can match? Speaker B: They do have this in the Delta Lounge, Chris. Speaker A: Well, it's like going, I mean, I'm brought back to my youth growing up in Atlanta, going to the World of Coca-Cola, one of our major theme parks and attractions. And the idea was that you could go into this room at the end of the world of Coca-Cola and you could try all of the Coca-Cola products from all over the globe.

Speaker C: Yeah, it's like that. They put that in like a vending machine, and if you pay like [redacted address], you can do that. Speaker A: But you can't get like— you can't get like Iranian Diet Coke. You can only get like— Speaker C: no, and it's actually fucked up that you can't. Like, it's actually like very, uh, nationalist. Speaker B: I agree with you. Of all the countries to name right now. Speaker A: Oh, sorry. It was just top of mind. It was just top of mind. Speaker C: It's activism.

Speaker B: He had Indian in the chamber and he got nervous. Speaker A: I did get nervous. Speaker B: Sometimes I get nervous, Ella. I mean, I was joking around about you bringing the masking tape and labeling it like the bear, you know, 1, 3 parts Mr. Pibb, 1 part, you know, whatever, Diet Sprite. But have you, are you really doing a new suicide? A fresh random roll of the dice every time, or are you slowly chipping away at crafting a new perfect soda blend? Speaker B: I agree with you.

Of all the countries to name right now. Speaker A: Oh, sorry. It was just top of mind. It was just top of mind. Speaker C: It's activism. Speaker B: He had Indian in the chamber and he got nervous. Speaker A: I did get nervous. Speaker B: Sometimes I get nervous, Ella. I mean, I was joking around about you bringing the masking tape and labeling it like the bear, you know, 1, 3 parts Mr. Pibb, 1 part, you know, whatever, Diet Sprite. But have you, are you really doing a new suicide?

A fresh random roll of the dice every time, or are you slowly chipping away at crafting a new perfect soda blend? Speaker C: I wish I could say it was the latter, but it's totally the former. Like, I think people are really surprised to learn this about me, that outside of work and outside of this bench testing I do, I'm so chaotic. Speaker B: Okay. Peaks and valleys. Speaker C: Like, I'm just going in there and I'm dispensing from the heart. You know, I'm letting my finger— it's like a Ouija board.

Speaker A: It's like, it's like when I go on a, when I go on a trip, I just spin the globe and put my hand— Speaker C: exactly. I let the Coke machine take me. Speaker B: It's all muscle memory. Speaker C: Yeah, I think that's what it is. I'm so like burned out from being a neurotic perfectionist that I just like let Jesus take the wheel and I'm like, I'm one with the machine and I let it kind of guide me where it feels like I should go that day.

Speaker A: I'm, I'm Because you guys brought up truckers. Speaker C: Sure. Speaker A: And we're talking, we're talking about food. I don't know if you've seen this trend on the Instagram Reels application, but there's a thing where this guy interviews truckers about what they get at the gas station when they're doing a long haul. So you see these kind of like toothless gremlins go into the fucking 7-Eleven and they're grabbing the wildest mix of shit you could possibly imagine. To fuel a 12-hour trip. Speaker A: I'm, I'm Because you guys brought up truckers.

Speaker C: Sure. Speaker A: And we're talking, we're talking about food. I don't know if you've seen this trend on the Instagram Reels application, but there's a thing where this guy interviews truckers about what they get at the gas station when they're doing a long haul. So you see these kind of like toothless gremlins go into the fucking 7-Eleven and they're grabbing the wildest mix of shit you could possibly imagine. To fuel a 12-hour trip. Speaker B: And these guys are not pregnant. Speaker C: Yeah, right. I was gonna say, I can't imagine it's worse than like what's in my tote bag right now.

Speaker A: Sure. Speaker C: Like at any given time this week it's been— I swear to God, I got a massage last week and you know you're naked in a massage and I like stood up after I got off the table, right? And I stood up and I got off the table and I like stepped on the floor and my foot crunched on something. And it was— I looked like a cockroach handle it. Why? I was like, oh my God, is that a cockroach? You know, it's like handle it. It's like a massage.

There's like drum music playing. And it was a goldfish. And I was like, oh my God, that was somewhere on my body. Speaker A: Okay. Speaker B: To be clear, to be clear, a goldfish cracker, not a live flopping goldfish. Speaker C: Right. Speaker A: Important to be more clear, Ella, you don't already have a child. Speaker C: No, I have a dog. I don't know if you can hear him. He's eating a bone super hard right next to me right now. Speaker A: I guess I'm just more concerned that the— I don't know any adults who eat goldfish.

That's kind of where I'm going. Speaker C: Yeah, my palate has reverted to like a 4-year-old, like white toddler in 1984. Like something I can't stop eating is Honey Nut Cheerios, and I keep bringing it up because like, again, I can't drink, so I don't have anything interesting ever to share. So I'm like have you guys had Honey Nut Cheerios? And everyone's like, yes. Speaker A: Important to be more clear, Ella, you don't already have a child. Speaker C: No, I have a dog. I don't know if you can hear him.

He's eating a bone super hard right next to me right now. Speaker A: I guess I'm just more concerned that the— I don't know any adults who eat goldfish. That's kind of where I'm going. Speaker C: Yeah, my palate has reverted to like a 4-year-old, like white toddler in 1984. Like something I can't stop eating is Honey Nut Cheerios, and I keep bringing it up because like, again, I can't drink, so I don't have anything interesting ever to share. So I'm like have you guys had Honey Nut Cheerios? And everyone's like, yes.

Speaker A: Yeah, there's no, there's no surprise with that. Speaker B: I think we all remember Honey Nut Cheerios. Speaker A: Yes, I'm a known, um, I eat Cheerios a lot, but the multigrain. Okay, I think it's a sleeper. I think it's a sleeper hit that has more flavor than people would realize. It comes in a purple box or a purple accented box if you're at the store and you're looking to get crazy. Speaker C: Bit of a brag. No, I'm never at the store. I am such a degenerate these days.

I'm like always furious in the Instacart chat. Like, no, you cannot swap Good Culture low-fat cottage cheese for Knudsen's. Oh, it's not the same. Speaker A: No, you have to, you have to let them know. Speaker B: This is why I cannot ever use that app. Speaker A: This is New York shit, Jason. Honestly, it's New York shit. It's like you just have to do this. Like, you just have to. No one I know doesn't get groceries delivered. No one. Speaker C: Really? Speaker A: I mean, I know plenty of dorks that go to the farmer's market, do that whole thing, but they're still supplementing the farmer's market.

Speaker B: We still got to get the Good Culture in our body. Exactly. Speaker C: I'll performatively go to the farmer's market and I'll I take a picture of like an heirloom tomato and post it to story and be like, tomato season hit, you know, like some, I can't even find the words. I'm like, what would Alex Delaney say? Speaker C: Really? Speaker A: I mean, I know plenty of dorks that go to the farmer's market, do that whole thing, but they're still supplementing the farmer's market. Speaker B: We still got to get the Good Culture in our body.

Exactly. Speaker C: I'll performatively go to the farmer's market and I'll I take a picture of like an heirloom tomato and post it to story and be like, tomato season hit, you know, like some, I can't even find the words. I'm like, what would Alex Delaney say? Speaker B: You know, actually this reminds me, I was listening to a podcast interview and you said you had, you, you were sitting at your boring finance desk job and you'd look at Alex Delaney's Instagram and there'd be a, a photo of a cappuccino and it just says, copped.

Speaker C: Like, I still don't know what that means. Like, am I copying? Am I copying my guy? Speaker B: It means, it means, it means, uh, it means cappuccino secured. You know what I mean? Speaker C: I guess. But here's where I'm getting tripped up. It's like he bought it. Speaker A: I don't know why this is so funny. Speaker C: I purchased it like with his money. He like went in and this was like 2017, so it's not even like Apple Pay. He like went in and paid for it.

That's like cappuccino purchase. Speaker A: This— yes, this reminds me— Speaker C: you didn't cop it. Speaker A: You, you did technically cop it. In his defense, he's not— he's using the term correctly. I guess this is reminding me of when Jason would— Speaker B: it technically does mean you have— Speaker A: when Jason would talk to me, talk about early Twitter and be like, my first tweet was tacos for the win. Speaker B: It was just such a simpler time when you could, you could You could post a photo with a bad sepia filter on it of a coffee drink.

I have 7,000 of those photos deep on my iCloud somewhere, and you could post that and someone somewhere will be like, I want to have sex with this person. This guy is living la vida loca. I want to— whatever you're drinking, sign me up. Speaker B: it technically does mean you have— Speaker A: when Jason would talk to me, talk about early Twitter and be like, my first tweet was tacos for the win. Speaker B: It was just such a simpler time when you could, you could You could post a photo with a bad sepia filter on it of a coffee drink.

I have 7,000 of those photos deep on my iCloud somewhere, and you could post that and someone somewhere will be like, I want to have sex with this person. This guy is living la vida loca. I want to— whatever you're drinking, sign me up. Speaker C: You know, I miss that time so bad. Social media is so depressing today. Like, to get someone to want to have sex with you via something you post, you have to work so hard. Speaker B: Tell me more, Ella. Tell me more. What's that like?

Speaker C: Well, I'm married, so my husband has to have sex with me. Yeah, I give him a little goldfish. Speaker A: Um, that's my code word. Speaker C: No, but it sucks. Speaker A: I actually don't— I think this one— I, I'm actually— I disagree with you. I think this line of thinking is wrong. I think it's— I think social media is better than it ever has been, and you just, you just have to dial it in. I just don't think— I think that people— are you affected by other people?

Like, are you affected by jealousy? Like if you see like a hot chick on an expensive vacation, you're like, that should be me. Speaker C: So no, but I am greatly affected by jealousy. Like I'm the most jealous, petty person I've ever met other than my mom. And I learned it from her and I'm like becoming her. But I'm not jealous of that. I'm jealous of like really arbitrary, esoteric things that you wouldn't think I would be jealous of. But if someone's on a vacation, I'm like, oh cool, nice vacation.

You know, I like, I like Google her dad. You know, I'm just like, okay, that helps. Speaker A: Now we're talking. Now, now we're speaking about So do you think anyone that you follow is paying for anything themselves? Speaker C: I think that comp culture is completely spiraled out of control. Speaker A: I've never heard— Speaker B: said comp culture. Speaker C: Comp culture. Yeah. Like people getting stuff comped. Speaker B: Like I've never heard of anyone put a phrase or a name to my life. Nice. Speaker A: I like it.

Speaker C: It's all the— it's a Diet Coke. It keeps me sharp. Speaker A: Jason loves to complain about comp culture and getting killed with Dishes getting killed with desserts at the end and then a full, full check. Speaker C: Come on, that does suck when that happens. I think I'm just jealous and bitter because all 7 sorbets. I work for a lot of— or a couple of public— there's not even a lot of publications that still exist. I work for a couple publications. Speaker B: You work for both publications?

Speaker C: Yeah, I work for 2 public— the 2 remaining publications that still have ethics policies. And so I'm not really participating in comp culture. Like, if I were to renovate my house, like, it would probably not be a good look for me to get like a comped oven or like the expensive fridge I want. Speaker A: You could at least get some Farrow Ball paint, I'm sure. Speaker C: You think? I don't know, like what if they were like, oh, go profile the prim British lady that Rebecca Mead already profiled 10 years ago but everyone has brain rot so nobody remembers?

Speaker B: Maybe, maybe something from the, the Andy Bargani Restoration Hardware collection. Do you know something non-culinary specific perhaps? Speaker B: Maybe, maybe something from the, the Andy Bargani Restoration Hardware collection. Do you know something non-culinary specific perhaps? Speaker C: Yeah, well, that's the thing. I like— I know I never write about fashion, so I'm like, maybe someone wants to give me like a Prada— I almost said a Prada pants. Like, I don't write about fashion. Yeah. Speaker A: Can you tell me what is the— what is the— remember when all those startup DTC cookware brands existed for a 5-year period?

Speaker C: All too well. Speaker A: What's the worst— what's the worst product from that era, if you don't mind me asking? Only because I have my own ideas, but I'd like to hear from an expert. Speaker B: I know that Maiden seems to have weathered the storm and they seem to be considered a respected player in the game. I don't know if you agree with that or not, but maybe— Speaker A: I was thinking more Great Jones. Speaker C: People ride really hard for Maiden. I think those are well made.

I think Just Jura is well made. Have you seen those? They're like— Speaker A: sure, that sounds like a Latin pop star. Speaker C: Beautiful. It does, but it's just so stunning. It's like this guy Gabe in LA And he makes like bench scrapers and knives and shit, and they look like art. Speaker A: Okay, hold on. You're telling me a motherfucking guy in LA is making bench scrapers that look like art? I'll be the fucking judge of that. Speaker B: I don't know if I want an artistic bench scraper.

Speaker A: I'm going to head down to the MoMA right now and see if they have it. Speaker C: Okay. I think the works— I actually did a story on this a few years ago, maybe a year ago. I don't know. Time is— time is such a cipher. Speaker B: As a pregnant truck driver at the time. Yeah, literally away from you. Speaker C: Okay. I think the works— I actually did a story on this a few years ago, maybe a year ago. I don't know. Time is— time is such a cipher.

Speaker B: As a pregnant truck driver at the time. Yeah, literally away from you. Speaker A: Yeah. Why does a pregnant truck driver need an artisan bench scraper? Scraper? That's the real question. Speaker C: But to scrape stuff off the passenger seat, like if like a Philly cheesesteak like spills out into the leather stitching. Speaker B: If one of the kilos in the gas tank gets opened up, you got to move some heavyweight. I'm of course, I'm an OXO girly as it pertains to the bench scraping. Speaker A: I'm not familiar with Maydan.

I mean, I know the term, but I'm not familiar with it. Speaker B: Because when we were at the restaurant yesterday, I was holding that giant— Oh yeah. Giant pan. That's a Maydan brand. Speaker C: Okay. Speaker B: Oh, I got you. Speaker A: Sorry. Speaker B: Sorry. We digress, Ella. No, those are nice. Speaker C: I think those are made out of like real metal. And I think the ones that people fucking hate are the nonstick. They like yassified for millennial nonstick. So like Always Pan was one of those.

Do you remember it came out and it was in everyone's? Speaker B: Yes. Speaker C: It was like in that time of food media becoming psychotically cool. There were these like salmon colored pots and they had like 30 inserts and strainers. And I, the story I did was because was like a year or two ago, there were like a trillion listings on Facebook Marketplace that were like, I'm leaving this piece of trash outside my apartment. It's like completely scratched up. It doesn't work. Every time I try to use it to even reheat pizza, it burns it.

Like that kind of thing. But I will say, I don't know, like I think that company did create something which is really cool, which I haven't tried either around the time I was writing that, which is like a new kind of nonstick that apparently isn't the kind that gets really fucked up if you use it or even look at it. Speaker A: But I think the thing about non— the thing about nonstick is because everybody's a pussy and think it's going to hurt them? Isn't that the issue with nonstick? Speaker C: So that's one, and that's why a bunch of people started these new yassified nonstick companies, is I think it's called PFAs.

It's like a— yeah, thing in the coating that they feel if it gets really hot or scorched. Speaker A: But if you— so, but you're saying if you make it canary yellow, it won't hurt you anymore? Speaker C: Yeah. And if you like got, uh, an artist from Brooklyn to paint a tomato onto it, I'll actually make you healthier. Speaker B: Like, it actually works. Speaker C: You can't die. Speaker A: Yeah, you'll live forever if you buy one of these. Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Speaker A: I just feel like that was such a particular time, but you're right, that was because the food— that was like the— I feel like that was the first time all that shit boomed, when it was the, the, the heady days of the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen.

Speaker C: Yep. And like that, natural wines, we were like, whoa, a sour juice. Speaker A: I'm proud to— I'm I'm proud to say I've never watched a Bon Appétit video in my entire life. Speaker C: Really? Speaker A: No. Speaker C: Should we watch one right now together? Speaker A: I don't know. I don't— I feel like anybody I know that did that, I know in real life and I don't need to see them do that now. You know what I mean? Speaker C: Does the name Claire Saffitz mean anything?

Like, I can't believe you haven't seen— Speaker A: No, I have no idea. Speaker C: Wow. Speaker B: We've had Molly Baz on the pod. We've had Karla Lolly Music on the pod. We've had— Speaker A: Andy. Speaker B: Who else? Andy Bargani on the pod. We've had most of the, the— Speaker A: I don't, I don't know the— I don't know the one you just said though. Is she hot though, or what? What's the— why are you asking? Speaker B: We've had Molly Baz on the pod. We've had Karla Lolly Music on the pod.

We've had— Speaker A: Andy. Speaker B: Who else? Andy Bargani on the pod. We've had most of the, the— Speaker A: I don't, I don't know the— I don't know the one you just said though. Is she hot though, or what? What's the— why are you asking? Speaker C: Like, spiritually so sexy to me because she's just like a fantastic, deft, kind of stern pastry chef. And she had this series that was, I think, their most popular series, where she would like reverse engineer junk food, which, as we've established, a little bit of me.

Speaker A: So she's like a bitchy chick who will teach you how to make a Reese's peanut butter cup at home. Speaker C: Not bitchy, but like really disappointed in herself all the time in the series. Like, she would be doing like a 10,000-step molecular gastronomy thing to try to like reverse engineer a Twinkie, and you could tell she was just like so frustrated she couldn't get it. Speaker B: Yeah, she— yeah, she, she kind of like Carolyn, uh, my wife, she, she considers her baking like, you know, she reaches to her cookbook for like when I want Mommy to tell me, to tell me what to do.

Like, she, she opens that book up, you know what I mean? Speaker C: That's exactly right. Claire Pappas is like mommy, and she's perfect. I think you should seriously watch her. Speaker B: It's not dominatrix, it's not BDSM, but it's a little— not— Speaker A: what does she do now? What does she do now? Speaker C: That's still from her kitchen in New York. And she does— she— her thing— I think the reason why you guys maybe— I mean, why you, Jason, maybe don't know her as well is because she's like not really for the TikTok brain rot era.

She's very soft-spoken and she takes her time to give ideas. She would never be caught dead going like, vodka and pie crust, let me tell you why, you know, and then diving in. And by the way, I would. Yeah, but she wouldn't. Like, she's an expert. Speaker A: what does she do now? What does she do now? Speaker C: That's still from her kitchen in New York. And she does— she— her thing— I think the reason why you guys maybe— I mean, why you, Jason, maybe don't know her as well is because she's like not really for the TikTok brain rot era.

She's very soft-spoken and she takes her time to give ideas. She would never be caught dead going like, vodka and pie crust, let me tell you why, you know, and then diving in. And by the way, I would. Yeah, but she wouldn't. Like, she's an expert. Speaker A: I, I don't know her because I don't cook, but you're saying that her approach is a little too old school maybe for today's minds? Speaker C: It's not even that. Like, I think that's taking it a level too far. I think in this day and age We're not even paying attention to what we're paying attention to.

We're just scrolling so fast that if something doesn't actively reach out and throttle you while you're just mindlessly scrolling in bed, you're not even going to see it or register that that person exists. Enter the hook. Speaker B: Let alone pick up a book and read it, huh? Speaker C: No. God, no. A book? I wouldn't. Speaker B: So anyway, your new book's out now. We actually read it. On the, on the subject of Bon Appétit, I had a question, a little bit of a shot in the dark, but Um, while you were briefly doing some open mic standup in New York while you were working in finance, what percentage of your material was based on the Bon Appétit universe?

Speaker A: This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month. And this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone.

Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference. Speaker A: This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month. And this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own.

But the truth is no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference. Speaker B: I agree, Chris. And sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself. And that's the most— that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes.

So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp, choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over 6 million people globally are using it, and, you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh, you know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, damn, I really am him. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy.

Sign up and get 10% off at com/howlong. That is com/howlong. Speaker A: Your summer starts now with Memorial Day deals at The Home Depot. It's time to fire up summer cookouts with the Nexgrill 4-burner gas grill. Grill on special buy for only $199. And entertain all season with the Hampton Bay West Grove 7-piece outdoor dining set for only $499. This Memorial Day, get low prices guaranteed at The Home Depot while supplies last. Pricing valid May 14th through May 27th. US only. Exclusions apply. See com/pricematch for details. Speaker A: Your summer starts now with Memorial Day deals at The Home Depot.

It's time to fire up summer cookouts with the Nexgrill 4-burner gas grill. Grill on special buy for only $199. And entertain all season with the Hampton Bay West Grove 7-piece outdoor dining set for only $499. This Memorial Day, get low prices guaranteed at The Home Depot while supplies last. Pricing valid May 14th through May 27th. US only. Exclusions apply. See com/pricematch for details. Speaker C: Oh my God, zero. I was so afraid of them. And also, when I was in my 20s, I like didn't understand that I was extremely just like unimportant and irrelevant to the rest of the universe.

Like I'm just like a piece of flotsam in the ocean. I didn't get that yet. Speaker B: You really mattered to no one at all. Speaker C: Totally. So the idea that I would talk about someone else that was in New York in my stand-up set and not falsify it in some way— never ever would have done that. I would have died. Speaker B: So then you didn't really have the cojones to be a stand-up comedian is what it sounds like. Speaker C: Obviously. I mean, look at me. I don't even have the cojones to put my hair behind my ear.

Speaker A: I don't know. Wait, so what kind of jobs have you had? Because I feel like you've already listed 3, and you— what, you're 20, you're 21? So that's kind of crazy. Speaker C: Yeah, I'm 21. Um, I'm 35 as of last week. I've had a lot of jobs. I spent 3 years as a barista. I— what did I do? Oh, I did a bunch of internships in college at magazines. I worked on Wall Street for almost 6 years. Speaker C: Yeah, I'm 21. Um, I'm 35 as of last week.

I've had a lot of jobs. I spent 3 years as a barista. I— what did I do? Oh, I did a bunch of internships in college at magazines. I worked on Wall Street for almost 6 years. Speaker A: That's where you met your husband, I hope. Speaker C: Food media. I met my husband in college, actually. He's the reason I went into Wall Street. Speaker A: He's been, he's been holding your ass down for that long. Where does he work? He better work at one of the big three law firms.

Speaker C: He works at a very small real estate investment firm. Speaker A: Oh, okay. Speaker C: Here we go. Yeah. Speaker A: Okay. Very small. Got it. Got it. Speaker C: Got it. Speaker B: Small team portfolio. Large though. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Speaker C: Really small. They're based in a brownstone. Speaker A: I just— I, I've known you, I've known you for 20 minutes. I knew you had a husband who made bread. Speaker B: I could just feel it. Speaker C: You love him. Speaker A: I already do.

I already do. Speaker C: He's gonna help— he'd pay for dinner. Okay. Speaker B: Do you know what podcasts your husband listens to? Speaker C: Um, he's not a big podcaster. He's— he watches pretty much every TV show ever made. It doesn't matter if it's like MILF Manor Season 2 or like Industry or like The Sopranos, like literally he's just like injecting television into his brain. Speaker B: Everyone can get touched unless he— Speaker C: unless it came out before 2011, and then he says the picture is old. Like, I don't even know what that means.

The picture is old. So he like, he won't watch Californication. Speaker B: Is your husband 19? Speaker B: Everyone can get touched unless he— Speaker C: unless it came out before 2011, and then he says the picture is old. Like, I don't even know what that means. The picture is old. So he like, he won't watch Californication. Speaker B: Is your husband 19? Speaker A: The quality of the image— Speaker C: the quality of the image next week. Speaker A: Yeah, so he's saying the quality of the image is, is not pleasurable to his eye, his discerning eye, I guess.

Speaker C: But I wish he'd just say that. When he says like the picture is old, I feel like we're in like an old folks home and he's gonna like throw his cane at the TV like, bro, this, this is not black and white. Speaker B: Obama was in office, bro. Speaker A: Like, yeah, it's not that. Girls is actually really good. Speaker C: Totally. He won't watch Girls, not because of the plot. Speaker A: Sure, it's, it's the picture issue. All right, what did you— Speaker C: it's a picture.

Speaker A: When you worked on Wall Street, what did you do? Speaker C: I raised capital for private equity funds. So we would like get hired by these GPs who would say, I want to raise a billion dollars for an energy debt fund. And we would work with them for like 2 or 3 years doing everything from crafting their marketing message to making all the materials, to setting up these meetings with investors all over the country, to getting feedback on the meetings and basically getting people to write checks. Speaker B: What character on Industry were you?

Speaker C: None. I— when I first watched Industry— Speaker B: Sweet Pea Rising. Speaker A: She's like, I'm not into strap— I'm not into strap-ons. I don't do that kind of stuff. Speaker C: I didn't say that. When I first watched Industry, I just laughed it off because it's not like that. Like, it's so boring. There needs to be a show that's just actually what it's like to work on finance, work on Wall Street as a 22-year-old. It's like the most exciting thing in your day is literally like getting up for the first time after 9 hours walking from your cubicle and you're like smelling high heels because you've been in them since like 6

m. to the like free coffee dispenser that's 15 feet away and being like, ooh, maybe I'll put a sugar in my coffee. Like, I know that's not good for me, but maybe it'll get me there. Speaker C: None. I— when I first watched Industry— Speaker B: Sweet Pea Rising. Speaker A: She's like, I'm not into strap— I'm not into strap-ons. I don't do that kind of stuff. Speaker C: I didn't say that. When I first watched Industry, I just laughed it off because it's not like that. Like, it's so boring.

There needs to be a show that's just actually what it's like to work on finance, work on Wall Street as a 22-year-old. It's like the most exciting thing in your day is literally like getting up for the first time after 9 hours walking from your cubicle and you're like smelling high heels because you've been in them since like 6 m. to the like free coffee dispenser that's 15 feet away and being like, ooh, maybe I'll put a sugar in my coffee. Like, I know that's not good for me, but maybe it'll get me there.

Speaker B: I'm going to try French vanilla today. Speaker C: Yeah. Speaker A: You're saying that— you're saying that your experience in finance, you weren't partying? I don't know if I believe that. Speaker C: No, we were drinking a ton. But again, it's not in this like hilarious Uh, it's, it's in this— in a way that I, as a cynical person, found so funny. Like, I loved watching these men just get absolutely tanked, and I loved hanging out with them, and we had the best time. But it was so silly.

Like, it wasn't sexy. Industry's so horny, you know? Industry's like, cool, it's like these hot kids running around. Speaker B: So, so when you would go to the office with all the guys and you'd hit McSorley's and, and put a bunch back, how often did you end up kissing a woman in a nightclub? Speaker C: This is my point. Like, never. Never. Speaker A: You're telling me you had sex— you never had You didn't have sex with Kiernan Shipka? Speaker C: I did, but she would work in my office. No, I, we would go out, we would get really drunk.

There was this thing called the Quarterly where all 75 team members in our group from all over the world would like get flown out to New York. And apparently it used to be this really glamorous thing before the recession where they would get flown to like different countries or like Breakers Palm Beach. So from a common, there was like this vibe, you know, like when your cool uncle visits when you're a kid and your parents get all like, quarters day. Totally. They like batch a cocktail. It was like, that was the vibe.

And we would like, go to PJ Clark's side. Speaker C: This is my point. Like, never. Never. Speaker A: You're telling me you had sex— you never had You didn't have sex with Kiernan Shipka? Speaker C: I did, but she would work in my office. No, I, we would go out, we would get really drunk. There was this thing called the Quarterly where all 75 team members in our group from all over the world would like get flown out to New York. And apparently it used to be this really glamorous thing before the recession where they would get flown to like different countries or like Breakers Palm Beach.

So from a common, there was like this vibe, you know, like when your cool uncle visits when you're a kid and your parents get all like, quarters day. Totally. They like batch a cocktail. It was like, that was the vibe. And we would like, go to PJ Clark's side. Speaker B: You put a Negroni in the freaking water filter in the office. Speaker C: But like, the worst thing I ever saw anyone do, even though we would like get really wasted, stay out really late, would be like, I don't know, like a, like either like a boring drug or like a little, like a tobacco in the lip.

I don't, you know, like a dip. Like, it wasn't— there were not— women were not kissing. Speaker B: So things would even escalate to the level where you have a zin on certain nights. Speaker C: Exactly. Like, I would have a zin and then I like puke in the Uber. Speaker B: Okay, so a real marathon partying. Speaker C: Marathon partying. Speaker A: But isn't the point of these jobs to stick with it because then you'll eventually make a lot of money? Speaker C: Yeah, so that was obviously something I did wrong.

Speaker B: You're like, instead of money, I'm gonna make biscuits. Speaker C: Yeah, that's what I said. Um, no, I stuck with it as long as I could, and I looked around and I was like, wow, it got easier every year, right? You're like getting more and more senior, you're getting paid like 2 to 3 times as much and you're delegating, there are people under you. And I could look around and I could see what life I would have. And in fact, I could literally see it because a lot of the time we would either like go to each other's apartments or drop off pitchbooks at someone's house or whatever.

Like we knew their wives, we knew their kids. I literally could see where my kids would go to school and how much money I would have and where my Hamptons house would be. Mm. But I kind of just couldn't bring myself to not leave and become a writer, which I know sounds so egotistical and dumb. I think it was like my whole life I had wanted to be one, and my whole life my parents were like, don't. That's the worst thing you can do. They were newspaper journalists when I was a kid at Newsday on Long Island, and they were like, being a writer, worst career path you could pick.

It's just full of rejection. It pays nothing. Like, you're just always scrambling and striving and hustling, and it's just such a bummer. And I like really tried to internalize that, and it just didn't work. Like, eventually I just broke. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Speaker C: Yeah, so that was obviously something I did wrong. Speaker B: You're like, instead of money, I'm gonna make biscuits. Speaker C: Yeah, that's what I said. Um, no, I stuck with it as long as I could, and I looked around and I was like, wow, it got easier every year, right?

You're like getting more and more senior, you're getting paid like 2 to 3 times as much and you're delegating, there are people under you. And I could look around and I could see what life I would have. And in fact, I could literally see it because a lot of the time we would either like go to each other's apartments or drop off pitchbooks at someone's house or whatever. Like we knew their wives, we knew their kids. I literally could see where my kids would go to school and how much money I would have and where my Hamptons house would be.

Mm. But I kind of just couldn't bring myself to not leave and become a writer, which I know sounds so egotistical and dumb. I think it was like my whole life I had wanted to be one, and my whole life my parents were like, don't. That's the worst thing you can do. They were newspaper journalists when I was a kid at Newsday on Long Island, and they were like, being a writer, worst career path you could pick. It's just full of rejection. It pays nothing. Like, you're just always scrambling and striving and hustling, and it's just such a bummer.

And I like really tried to internalize that, and it just didn't work. Like, eventually I just broke. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Speaker B: Well, I think on the plus side, you have that to fall back on if your career, your creative path didn't work out. Luckily, it seems to be working out well for you. But, you know, God forbid something does happen, you are armed with those skills. We can get that 401 juiced up again. Speaker C: I don't think I could go back to Wall Street. That's my strategy. I have all the time where I'm like back after 3 years and everyone's sort of acting like I never left, but I don't remember what anything means.

But I think my fallback plan is like a CPG company. Like, I would love to— I feel like I would I'm such an idiot. Like, I would be really— I'm like a protein whipped cream. Doesn't that sound like something if I invented it, you would buy it today? Speaker C: I don't think I could go back to Wall Street. That's my strategy. I have all the time where I'm like back after 3 years and everyone's sort of acting like I never left, but I don't remember what anything means. But I think my fallback plan is like a CPG company.

Like, I would love to— I feel like I would I'm such an idiot. Like, I would be really— I'm like a protein whipped cream. Doesn't that sound like something if I invented it, you would buy it today? Speaker A: If it came out right now. But unfortunately, you got to be ahead of the curve, you know? Speaker C: No, that's true. Speaker B: If you can make some Impossible crab legs for our slutty vegans out there, I'll put 10K in right now. Speaker A: Yeah, RIP slutty vegan. Sorry. Do you know slutty vegan, Ella?

Are you familiar with slutty vegan? It was a female-owned POC small business in the Atlanta, Georgia area where I'm from that was bad boy vegan food. And they did close and are bankrupt because she owes millions of dollars. Speaker C: They were where Salt Hank's is now. I— there was a Slutty Vegan in my neighborhood. Speaker A: Yeah, there was one. There's a few here, I think. Speaker C: And all of the sandwich names were like Dripping Wet BLT. Speaker A: It's literally like sloppy toppy tuna, for real. It's literally— Speaker B: let me get a wet ass pastrami, no onions.

Speaker A: Literally, it's honestly There were people talking about the menu yesterday when they announced the bankruptcy, and I was like, this is crazy. It was the hottest. It like really worked for like a year. Like people were talking about it every— there's lines out the door and all of them. It was like a whole— but veganism in general has really fallen off as far as popular culture goes. So I think it— the tide's turned. Speaker C: I was working last year in LA in a writer's room, and I remember I was talking to someone else who worked there, and she was a woman who had moved out from New York, um, just for this job, and and I was ranting about this place Slutty Vegan being on my block.

We were talking about how there's this like revolving door of things on Bleecker Street. And she said, oh, Slutty Vegan, I know that place. That's my boyfriend's favorite restaurant in New York. And I was like, I never do this, but dump him. Speaker C: I was working last year in LA in a writer's room, and I remember I was talking to someone else who worked there, and she was a woman who had moved out from New York, um, just for this job, and and I was ranting about this place Slutty Vegan being on my block.

We were talking about how there's this like revolving door of things on Bleecker Street. And she said, oh, Slutty Vegan, I know that place. That's my boyfriend's favorite restaurant in New York. And I was like, I never do this, but dump him. Speaker A: Yeah, that's, that's actually amazing. That's amazing. Speaker B: Of all the restaurants in New York. Speaker C: That's crazy. Speaker A: That's really cool. That's really cool. Speaker C: Like, is he dead? Is it like a Weekend at Bernie's situation where he's just been propped up for the 6 years you've known him and someone's like puppeting?

Speaker B: Weekend at Slutty's. Speaker A: Weekend at Slutty's does have a nice ring to it, Jason. Speaker C: It's too bad I'm already married. That'd be such a good wedding bachelorette theme. Speaker A: Weekend at Slutty's. Speaker C: At Slutty Vegans. Speaker A: Yeah. Speaker B: On the, on the subject of eating pussy, you wrote a story called Let Them Eat Goo about, you know, we're talking about Harry Styles earlier in the pod. He's a, he's a big runner, and those runner types like to suck down some of those goo pouches.

That's what you were talking about, I'm assuming? Speaker C: Yeah, liquid salad. Liquid salad. Speaker A: I know about that, but I think— oh, I thought you were talking about like Martin, like the ones that like all the runners use for fuel. They call it nutrition when they're running. No, you're talking about the salad bags for children that men now eat. Speaker C: Yeah, this is like a little bit more sinister. Yeah, exactly. It's like basically a new line of meal replacement products marketed toward the modern millennial, like Soylent 2.0, 3.0.

So there's this one liquid salad backed by a man, a grown man who calls himself Fiber Daddy online. And it's basically like a salad, but it's like blended into a pouch. Speaker C: Yeah, this is like a little bit more sinister. Yeah, exactly. It's like basically a new line of meal replacement products marketed toward the modern millennial, like Soylent 2.0, 3.0. So there's this one liquid salad backed by a man, a grown man who calls himself Fiber Daddy online. And it's basically like a salad, but it's like blended into a pouch.

Speaker A: I've seen these. I get ads for them on Instagram. Speaker B: Okay. Speaker C: But you can just say that you have— that you eat them. Speaker A: No, I don't. I would try. I would try one. I didn't. Speaker B: I'm sure somebody from their marketing team listens to the pod. You have my address, you have my sizes. Speaker A: Bring it over. I hope Fiber Daddy does it. What does Fiber Daddy look like, though, is the question. Because if he's snatched, then I get it. Speaker B: Is he hotter than the Liver King?

Speaker C: He's hotter than Liver King for sure. But that's like a weird bar, I think. Low bar. Speaker B: Yeah. Not even a low bar. Just a strange bar. Speaker C: He's like a normal looking guy. I have 28 in my closet right now. I'll bring you one. I'll Uber Curry it to you. Speaker A: What flavor do you like the best? Is it just salad flavor? Speaker C: There's only one flavor. Yeah. It tastes like, like, um, applesauce and like cucumber and gel, and it tastes a little bit like seaweed.

Yeah, like at the back. Speaker B: That's one of the— Speaker A: it's like, that's a twisty flavor combo that you just described. Speaker C: It's a tough— it's a tough fact. Yeah. Speaker B: Well, do you— I haven't read the article, so I don't know exactly, um, what, what happens at the end, but do you, do you predict anything for the future? Do you see a world where We're reading Sweetgreen sales earnings quarters are not looking good. We're pivoting to wraps. Are you going to see, you know, these protein-maxing fast casual places pivot into the goo space?

Speaker C: It's a tough— it's a tough fact. Yeah. Speaker B: Well, do you— I haven't read the article, so I don't know exactly, um, what, what happens at the end, but do you, do you predict anything for the future? Do you see a world where We're reading Sweetgreen sales earnings quarters are not looking good. We're pivoting to wraps. Are you going to see, you know, these protein-maxing fast casual places pivot into the goo space? Speaker C: It's an interesting question. Speaker B: Hey, Shanti, let me pivot into the goo space.

Speaker C: Yeah, I hope they don't slip. Yeah, it's a good question because on one hand, you know, Soylent is like totally fucked. They've released a lot of stuff lately being like— Speaker B: It's people. Speaker C: And on the other hand, you know, the people I spoke to for the story were like, I'm busier than ever. We live in this late-stage capitalism hellscape where everything's vying for my attention and I can be reached by anyone at any time. And I'm just constantly getting text messages and my kids are screaming.

I feel like, take them to the thing and then I want to watch TikTok. And then if I can eat a meal replacement bar instead of a lunch, sometimes that solves a problem for me. But I do think largely, and I hope in the next few years or maybe a little longer, will have like a major cultural blowback and will become kind of much more analog. And it'll probably get really obnoxious before it gets better, like in the early 2000s. Speaker A: Yeah, I used to— yeah, we all stay at the Ace Hotel when they put a record player and a guitar in the room.

Speaker C: Exactly, that's like exactly what I was just gonna say. Like the— when, you know, the guy you knew from college had a record player and every week he would go to like a different record store and get a different one. Speaker A: Yeah, I used to— yeah, we all stay at the Ace Hotel when they put a record player and a guitar in the room. Speaker C: Exactly, that's like exactly what I was just gonna say. Like the— when, you know, the guy you knew from college had a record player and every week he would go to like a different record store and get a different one.

Speaker A: I like really like Bob Dylan. Speaker B: Homemade pizza sauce is actually better than— Speaker A: well, I mean, I think there already is a little bit of, a little bit of a movement. And I actually, as a bar— a long time bar lover, not just Xanax, I mean nutritional, um, I, I do think the line of thinking that like it's better to just eat food, like regular real food, is obviously healthier every time. Speaker C: Sure. Speaker A: And I do hear people— I do hear people— I think that is a, a line of thinking that is, is, is making its way back a little bit.

Speaker C: And also there's another complicating strain though, which is like, if this was just the Thailand Europe, of course there would be this blowback where we would be going back to like Ace Hotel Record, eat real food, Alison Roman, chickpeas in a pot type of thing. But now there's also this like maha politicized nature, I think, to Whole Foods. Speaker A: Well, that's why I'm— that's the only reason I— that's the only reason I ever eat real food. Speaker C: You love Bobby. Speaker A: You have no idea how much we love Bobby on this podcast.

Speaker C: I mean, you had Olivia on, I saw. Speaker A: That's not why. We don't— we don't like him for his sexual sexual reasons. We just like him because he's funny and he wears jeans just like me. Speaker C: That's big of you. Speaker B: Actually, while we have you here, just a quick aside. Chris and I, we were talking about it earlier. Do you have any suspicion or idea what he's hiding under those jeans when he's working out? The reason why he never takes the jeans off? Speaker C: That's big of you.

Speaker B: Actually, while we have you here, just a quick aside. Chris and I, we were talking about it earlier. Do you have any suspicion or idea what he's hiding under those jeans when he's working out? The reason why he never takes the jeans off? Speaker A: We're not talking about his penis. We're not talking about his huge penis. Speaker B: So, you know, people have said varicose veins, a racist tattoo, you know, some weird disfigurement, a burn accident, heavy machinery, something like that. Speaker C: What's he hiding under I think it's like, you know how he's, you know, like the Maha people really hate like 5G and like cordless headphones.

I think it's a bunch of like wireless iPhone chargers that when he puts his phones in the pockets of his pants, they like plug right in and he doesn't want anyone to know he's doing that because it's affecting his fertility. Speaker A: Great idea. This is, this is a great idea. Speaker B: So he's a human hotspot. Speaker C: Yeah. Well, no, he's a human Mobi charger. So they're called those things you can like slap your phone on. Speaker B: Yeah. Speaker A: Yeah. What, imagine, imagine you meet him at a press conference and you give him a hug and your phone starts charging and you don't know why.

Speaker C: That's actually awesome. That would make me want to give him a bigger hug. Speaker A: So you're saying he's just a, he's a Maha charging pad. Speaker C: Yeah. Because he's got to keep in touch. He's got to keep tweeting. He's got to get back to Don. Like he can never be off the clock even at the gym. Speaker A: But his, what he, because we talked about this on, on Monday's podcast about his like, what, what is your, how much liver are you eating personally? Speaker C: Yeah, right.

I only eat liver every day, every meal. I only eat it when I'm like in a restaurant where it's been pureed with heavy cream and shallots and cherry vinegar and it's like spread on toast. Usually that's like, that's only when I'm encountering it. Unless my dad's like, sometimes my dad's very whimsical and sometimes he'll like, sure, he'll like go to the market because my mom's been like on him for 3 days to buy yogurt and he'll come back back and be like, when I was a boy, Grammy, your Grammy used to make me liverwurst, you know, and then he'll like cut a slice of it and eat it on like a crunchy cracker.

Speaker A: But his, what he, because we talked about this on, on Monday's podcast about his like, what, what is your, how much liver are you eating personally? Speaker C: Yeah, right. I only eat liver every day, every meal. I only eat it when I'm like in a restaurant where it's been pureed with heavy cream and shallots and cherry vinegar and it's like spread on toast. Usually that's like, that's only when I'm encountering it. Unless my dad's like, sometimes my dad's very whimsical and sometimes he'll like, sure, he'll like go to the market because my mom's been like on him for 3 days to buy yogurt and he'll come back back and be like, when I was a boy, Grammy, your Grammy used to make me liverwurst, you know, and then he'll like cut a slice of it and eat it on like a crunchy cracker.

Speaker B: Yeah, who wants it? Speaker C: Like that I would encounter, but that's like once every 10 years. Speaker A: Would your dad take that as a compliment or as a diss that you called him whimsical? Speaker C: Oh, I think it's just like a statement of fact. My dad is like the most whimsical man alive. Like, he's so goddamn silly. Speaker A: What does he do all the time? Does he still work or is he chilling now? Speaker C: He retired last month. And I actually have an answer for you because yesterday I woke up to like a 3,000-word text.

I can read it to you if you want, in which he said, now that I'm retired, I let myself sleep until 7 AM. And your mom's right. She's been saying for years the best sleep is between 5 and 7 AM. It's when you fall into your deepest dreams. And then said something like, you know, like nectar of the gods. You sleep like the like he gets very effusive. And then he described in many characters a dream he'd had in which I was like sort of a bitch, and then my sister, who everyone prefers to me, was like kind of awesome.

Speaker A: Wow. Okay, so yeah, okay, so your dad needs a job basically is what you're saying, because it's already— it sounds like it's going pretty bad already. Speaker C: No, I think he's really happy. He loves ChatGPT and AI, so he's like really thrilled, I think, to just be able to like talk to his new friend, literally. Speaker B: Yeah, he can monitor the situation. Speaker C: Yeah, he's a big situation monitor. He's monitoring Iran right now. He's monitoring a number of situations. He has— my mom and him are like opposite in terms of their aesthetic and lifestyle preferences.

And she's like an anti-hoarder. Like when I was a kid growing up, you like put your homework on the table and got a glass of water, she'd be like, who's trash is this? I'm throwing it out. Like, she's like that. And he's like, he would be most comfortable if he was just like mummified in like a series of colorful cords, like the notches sticking out and stuff. So she like relegated him to this space in our house they call the grotage, which is like an outbuilding in the back that used to be really beautiful before she let him go into it.

And now he's filled with— Speaker B: is that grotto and cottage combined into one word? Speaker A: Grotage. Speaker C: The grotage. That's exactly right. Speaker B: Beautiful. Speaker C: And it's hilarious because it's this green space. My mom like used to have this interior design blog. She's— it's like got these beautiful like wainscoting walls. But now my dad has like 6 screens all in a row and like somehow an extra large keyboard I think he ordered from Amazon where all the keys are rainbow and kind of like light up in bizarre ways.

And he has all these like— Speaker B: I think your dad is jacking off on webcams. I'm sorry to break it to you, Ella, but— Speaker A: Your dad's charging people for this. Speaker B: I think your dad is jacking off on webcams. I'm sorry to break it to you, Ella, but— Speaker A: Your dad's charging people for this. Speaker B: Your retired father is a gamer chick. Speaker C: Good for him. Speaker B: He got these headphones that have little cat ears on them that light up. Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker A: I just thought they sounded super good and all my friends online said they were cool. Cool. Speaker B: So yeah, so he's into crypto now. Speaker C: He actually is really into crypto. But, um, yes, he has the garage and it's just filled with all this stuff. And it's this hilarious juxtaposition of this like gorgeous aesthetic dream and then just like 3,000 cords and like tiny sculptures he's purchased at garage sales. Speaker B: What is— Speaker A: okay, now just, just because we're talking about it, your sister that they like more than you, what is— why do you think they like her more?

Speaker C: I do too. By the way, she's awesome. Both my sisters are so awesome. Speaker A: Oh, there's 3 of you. And you're— are you number 3 or number 2 in the rankings? Speaker C: I don't know. I think I'm probably my mom's second favorite and my dad's third. Speaker A: Okay. All right. So we're— Speaker B: thanks for the honesty. Speaker A: Yeah, I appreciate the honesty. Do they have kids? Is that why they're ahead or they just generally better? Speaker C: They're so awesome. One does have kids, but that's not why they're ahead.

My older sister is like the funniest person I've ever met. She's like, oh, truly the most delightful and wonderful. Speaker A: What does she do for a living? Speaker C: She's a psychologist in a high-security men's prison in Sacramento. Speaker B: Oh my God, this job as well. Well, that's all that— Speaker C: a classic comedy job. No, but she's like so funny outside of it. Speaker A: And our entire life, you gotta, you gotta have, you gotta laugh if you're doing that for a living. Speaker C: I think that's exactly right.

Um, and she does. She's so funny. She's like so funny. I like can't go anywhere in public with her because I— it's— anyway, my little sister is— she lives in LA and she's just like classic little sister, like stunningly gorgeous. So supportive, so nice. Everyone I've ever met is like, are you Clementine's sister? Like, they're kind of surprised, you know? Like, have you got— you're probably gonna ask me that now. Speaker C: a classic comedy job. No, but she's like so funny outside of it. Speaker A: And our entire life, you gotta, you gotta have, you gotta laugh if you're doing that for a living.

Speaker C: I think that's exactly right. Um, and she does. She's so funny. She's like so funny. I like can't go anywhere in public with her because I— it's— anyway, my little sister is— she lives in LA and she's just like classic little sister, like stunningly gorgeous. So supportive, so nice. Everyone I've ever met is like, are you Clementine's sister? Like, they're kind of surprised, you know? Like, have you got— you're probably gonna ask me that now. Speaker A: Does she have a man? Speaker C: She does, for now. Speaker B: Hold on, hold on.

Similar to when I said, which blank are you? Which member of M. are you? Speaker C: Oh, um, oh, I'm definitely not the skinny older one. Speaker B: Um, that's all of them now. Speaker A: The, the band— yeah, no, I thought the band leader did. Speaker C: No, the older one, isn't it Esty? Speaker B: Oh, oh, okay. Speaker A: Oh, Esty, I'm sorry. Yes, yes, yes. Speaker C: And I'm not the like quintessentially hot one. I'm like the third one that's like more fun-loving. And like, I think she's the one that makes them do the social media dances, so she probably has something deep within her where she like needs to seek validation.

That sounds like me. Speaker A: Alana, the actress, the one that— the one that's in films. Okay, so you're Alana. Speaker B: I mean, it's not like you're bad or anything, they're like less of a bitch than you. Speaker C: Totally. And also, I get it, I'm like pretty low energy, you know? Like when we all go home for the holidays, I'm like, I'll come out for like an hour. They're like wonderful, they're effusive. Speaker A: You're like in your— in your— you're like in your high school goon cave and they're out hanging out with you.

Speaker C: Totally. And also, I get it, I'm like pretty low energy, you know? Like when we all go home for the holidays, I'm like, I'll come out for like an hour. They're like wonderful, they're effusive. Speaker A: You're like in your— in your— you're like in your high school goon cave and they're out hanging out with you. Speaker C: I don't have a goon cave, on record. But yeah, like, come out. And I like try to mask that I'm like sort of antisocial by, um, I'll like cook for everyone.

Oh yeah, exactly. I'll like make a big meal, but I'll like totally have my headphones in and it'll be like under my hair and I'll be listening to like a murder mystery on Audible. Oh, and then if anyone tries to talk to me, I like rip it out and I'm like, what? Speaker B: Mom, you said you have avocado oil. This is bullshit. Okay, so your parents have 2 golden retrievers and 1 cat. Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Speaker B: You're not bad, but you can't compete with the golden retriever. Speaker C: No, and I wouldn't want to.

I love them. I'm so glad they're great. Speaker B: It's help— Speaker C: it takes a load off. Speaker A: This sounds like a pretty good dynamic. Speaker C: For sure. Speaker A: You're— Speaker B: you said, you said your little sister lives in LA. Are you in LA right now as well, or soon to be? Speaker C: Well, I will be in LA tomorrow. I'm in the West Village right now, um, and I'm headquartered— I live in the West Village, but I spend a lot of time in LA for work.

Speaker B: Okay, okay. But you're doing, you're doing some pop-ups at some friends of ours' restaurants next week. Speaker C: Oh, that's right. Tomorrow I'm doing one at Quarter Sheet. Sorry, I don't know if you can hear my dog, it's going crazy. Um, I'm doing one tomorrow at Quarter Sheets. Speaker A: Hold on, this fucking dog, you're— this is the most West Village-ass dog I've ever seen in my fucking life. Get that motherfucker off my screen. Speaker C: Oh, that's right. Tomorrow I'm doing one at Quarter Sheet. Sorry, I don't know if you can hear my dog, it's going crazy.

Um, I'm doing one tomorrow at Quarter Sheets. Speaker A: Hold on, this fucking dog, you're— this is the most West Village-ass dog I've ever seen in my fucking life. Get that motherfucker off my screen. Speaker B: Does this dog have a food name or no? Speaker A: Before I throw matcha at my screen. Speaker C: It's even worse. His name is Mouse. Speaker A: Oh, hell no. Oh my God. I'm just happy you're not wearing like a park sweatshirt. Speaker B: Your dog is in a Bushwick polycule. Speaker C: Literally.

Speaker B: Mouse did the dishes and wants to know if she could get a bump. Speaker C: Mouse already bought my book and posted it to stories and tagged me. Speaker B: Her work is so important. Speaker C: Yeah. And then next week I'm doing— no, it's he. He often gets that though. He gets misgendered a lot. Speaker B: Might be classic Jason. Sorry, player. I'm trying to become better about it. Speaker C: I'm cutting up Etra next week. Is that what you're— are those your friends? Speaker A: Yeah, both.

Speaker B: Yes. Both, both, both friends of the pod. Speaker C: Hopefully I'll see you there. Speaker B: Yeah. We're not, I'm not gonna be a quarter, but I'm gonna try to go to Etra. Speaker A: I went to Quarter Sheets on Sunday and there I got, I, I did a wildcard dessert. It was like a— Speaker C: whoa, what was it? Speaker A: It was like a grapefruit pie of some kind with like a graham cracker crust. Speaker B: This was not the Mercat lime pineapple cake that we podcasted about.

Speaker A: No, this was, this was some sort of— Speaker B: I'm sorry, but I— Speaker A: there was, there was obviously something more sinister that I was with Ryan O'Connell. He got the bad boy one and I got the one that was like fruity, which is rare for me, but I wanted to take a risk because I trust them. Speaker A: No, this was, this was some sort of— Speaker B: I'm sorry, but I— Speaker A: there was, there was obviously something more sinister that I was with Ryan O'Connell.

He got the bad boy one and I got the one that was like fruity, which is rare for me, but I wanted to take a risk because I trust them. Speaker C: What's the bad boy one? Speaker A: Oh, you know, like a bread pudding or some, you know, just some like shit, you know, like a chocolate chip cookie. Speaker B: Yeah, just some fucked up sticky toffee. Yeah, melty chocolate thingy. Well, actually, speaking of LA and restaurants, I want to know where you want to eat, where you're going to eat.

And, um, you were mentioning chicken liver. You gotta go get the, the chicken liver at Squirrel Dinner. Speaker C: Oh, is it good? Speaker B: Best in class. Yeah. Yeah, it's either the first or second best in LA. Speaker C: I feel like there's been so little coverage of it so far, which like makes sense because it's LA. So the food coverage is sort of like limited to Max Helen's a lot unless you're reading the LA Times. And by food coverage, of course, I mean on social media. Speaker A: What's Max Helen's?

I haven't heard of Max Helen's. What's that? Speaker C: It's a small classic diner. You'd really love it. You know, just very classic vibes. It doesn't seem like Nicholas Braun's an investor at all. Speaker B: Okay, well, are you gonna go to Max and Helen's? Speaker C: No, because I don't wait in lines. I'm depressed. But I— Speaker B: yeah, but you could go. You can get the plug. You're plugged up, right? Speaker C: I'm not gonna like try and— Speaker A: you're not gonna ask somebody to skip the line for a pancake?

Speaker C: Plug to Phil Rosenthal. Speaker B: I have the plug. Speaker C: No, because I don't wait in lines. I'm depressed. But I— Speaker B: yeah, but you could go. You can get the plug. You're plugged up, right? Speaker C: I'm not gonna like try and— Speaker A: you're not gonna ask somebody to skip the line for a pancake? Speaker C: Plug to Phil Rosenthal. Speaker B: I have the plug. Speaker C: Okay, Jason, you want to go next week to Max and Helen's? Speaker B: Um, we can Oh yeah, we can go.

Speaker C: Yeah, I'll go with you, but I won't wait in line. Speaker A: I— Speaker C: for me, LA dining is kind of two things. One is I— there are a number of sort of hole-in-the-wall spots that are more or less kind of like takeout or very fast that you would go for an hour or two to— I mean, sorry, a 10-minute service. Speaker A: I love Sweetgreen. Speaker B: I love Sweetgreen. Speaker C: Not Sweetgreen, but like Northern Thai Food Club. Speaker A: They have wraps now. They have wraps now.

They have wraps now. Speaker C: I actually did text my husband today about wraps. Like, this is how joyless my pregnancy life is. I text him, I wish we had a magic wrap machine that if I pushed a button, it would spit out a wrap that's warm and crunchy on the outside and full of a delicious saucy salad on the inside with some meat. And he never replied. Speaker A: This motherfucker, this motherfucker's at work, like, rethinking everything. I got this bitch pregnant for real. Speaker C: He's like, so such a good guy.

I feel so bad. But yeah, no, it's for me, it's like spots you go to for like 10 to 30 minutes and eat like 6,000 calories. Like Northern Thai Food Club. It's like I'll hit it every 3 nights while I'm there. Speaker B: Okay. Speaker C: Um, I love, love to eat. Speaker B: So, so the old saying, LA has better food, New York has better restaurants— Speaker C: no, no, I don't think that's true at all. I feel like people are way too harsh on LA. I think one of the best restaurants in the world is Musso Frank.

Speaker B: Okay. Speaker C: Um, I love, love to eat. Speaker B: So, so the old saying, LA has better food, New York has better restaurants— Speaker C: no, no, I don't think that's true at all. I feel like people are way too harsh on LA. I think one of the best restaurants in the world is Musso Frank. Speaker A: Okay, that's one of the worst restaurants on Earth. You're out of your fucking mind. Speaker B: Saying LA has better food is not necessarily going hard on them. Speaker A: Inedible.

Speaker B: I would say it's complimentary. Speaker C: I don't think Musso Frank has food. I think it's just a fabulous restaurant. Speaker A: Like, I kind of disagree. I think it's very mid. I think it's just kind of mid all around. I think that's— Speaker B: well, Chris, you don't— since you don't drink, it's kind of dead in the water for you. Speaker A: But there's 15 restaurants like that in New York. Speaker C: I was going to ask. I would never go— I won't go there this trip because I'm not drinking because I'm pregnant.

I almost said because I'm sober. Speaker A: Would you guys realize that if you have to drink at a restaurant, maybe that's— maybe, maybe, maybe we're doing the wrong thing? Just something I'm not— I'm just putting out there, then maybe that's it. Speaker B: It's a beautiful establishment that you— it's a restaurant where you don't go there for the food. Speaker A: I don't go to any restaurant for the food, though. Speaker C: You go there for the sidecar. And I think another one of the best restaurants in the world is in LA, which is Roast Duck by Paul Ord.

I think that's both fantastic food and fantastic restaurant. Have you guys been there? Speaker B: Yeah, I have. But there's much better duck to be had in LA. Speaker C: What? Speaker B: It's in the top 10, but it's not in the top 5. Speaker C: Can I get your top 5? I feel like I can't. Speaker B: Off record. Whoa. Speaker C: Okay. Speaker A: He can't blow up the duck spot. He'll get canceled. Speaker B: Are you a duck lover? Speaker C: I don't want him to blow up the duck spot.

I am a duck lover, but I'm like a pot lord lover primarily. Like, I love everything about it. I love when you go to the bathroom and there's like a colander full of cabbage in the sink. Speaker C: What? Speaker B: It's in the top 10, but it's not in the top 5. Speaker C: Can I get your top 5? I feel like I can't. Speaker B: Off record. Whoa. Speaker C: Okay. Speaker A: He can't blow up the duck spot. He'll get canceled. Speaker B: Are you a duck lover?

Speaker C: I don't want him to blow up the duck spot. I am a duck lover, but I'm like a pot lord lover primarily. Like, I love everything about it. I love when you go to the bathroom and there's like a colander full of cabbage in the sink. Speaker B: Yes. Yes. Speaker C: Like, it's just one of my favorite. Speaker A: I've never even heard of that. I mean, I don't eat duck, but I've never even heard of that. This. Speaker C: You don't eat duck ever? Speaker A: I don't eat meat, so— but I, I've— Speaker C: okay, duck is a meat.

Speaker A: But where is the— technically, I mean, I don't love to kill cute animals, that's just me. Um, but where is the duck place? Speaker B: Thai Town? Speaker C: It's in Thai Town. It's like on the border of Thai Town and Little Armenia. Speaker B: It's a— they have— it's like a little lunch spot. You can get a little plate with some rice and, and some crispy duck. And do they also have hainan chicken as well, or— Speaker C: I don't remember. Speaker B: Is it just only— Speaker C: everything on the menu has duck.

So there's like an incredible spicy roast duck curry. There's like a duck salad that has like apples and things in it. It's okay. Speaker A: All right, you're telling me you're eating duck for lunch? Speaker C: Oh, you have to because they sell out by the evening. You can't really go for dinner. Speaker A: Oh, hell no, you can't eat that. People are getting crazy with lunch. It's crazy. Speaker B: Duck is a very nice protein, healthy fat. Speaker A: I'm not saying— no, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that I know you ain't getting duck.

It ain't rotisserie duck. There's a lot of other shit with it, you know what I'm saying? She's not getting duck curry at noon. It's just a little gnarly. Speaker C: Not for me. Speaker A: Okay, you're You're saying you're built for this shit. Speaker A: I'm not saying— no, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that I know you ain't getting duck. It ain't rotisserie duck. There's a lot of other shit with it, you know what I'm saying? She's not getting duck curry at noon. It's just a little gnarly. Speaker C: Not for me.

Speaker A: Okay, you're You're saying you're built for this shit. Speaker C: I'm built for duck at noon. I like when I don't have duck at noon. I'm hungry for the rest of the day. Speaker A: You're feeling off. That's when you reach for your David bar. Speaker C: Exactly. Speaker B: Don't talk to Mama till she's had her duck. Speaker A: I don't get my duck and a blueberry David bar to tide me over. Speaker C: And I'll like slam a liquid salad. Like, you know, I just need a lot to tide me over if I don't get my duck.

Speaker A: All right. So what are you doing at these restaurants? You're cooking at these restaurants. Speaker C: I know that they're cooking foods from my book. And then some cases we're collaborating to make like a Frankenstein menu. New item. Speaker A: This is fucking crazy. You're making— to promote your book, you're making your friends work is what you're saying. Speaker C: Totally. Speaker B: Yeah, but also those restaurants get to have a, you know, a random Wednesday where they sell out because she markets it on her end, and everyone makes a little bit of money.

You sell a few books, we have fun. Speaker A: Let's find out. Jason, Ella, how are ticket sales? Speaker C: Um, well, I don't know, blissfully. But I agree with you, Chris, it's awful. Like, the whole promoting of a press is just so humiliating. It's just asking people to do work for you. It's emailing your friend and being like, will you write an article about me? Will you do a podcast episode that I'm on? Like, I, as someone who hates to do extra work, I viscerally feel it. And I hate asking anyone for anything.

Speaker A: I think that people— somebody was talking to me about this recently saying something very similar, and I think that if it's, if it's your actual friends, they're happy to do it. I don't think that's— I don't think anybody would actually, actually be bothered. Speaker A: I think that people— somebody was talking to me about this recently saying something very similar, and I think that if it's, if it's your actual friends, they're happy to do it. I don't think that's— I don't think anybody would actually, actually be bothered. Speaker B: I think people are— once, once you finish— I don't know, I've never written a book, but I feel like once I do finish that book, when I'm, when I'm making that call that I've been saving up all my, my juice for, I'm gonna— I'm not gonna ask this person for any favors until it's go time.

I feel like the excitement of making that call and saying like, hey, book's out, let's do this fucking podcast, bro, you know, whatever it is, you know. Speaker C: You sound like you have high self-esteem. I agree that like they shouldn't be so put out by it, but I don't know, I'm not put out by it if someone calls me and they're like, hey, Hey, can you go to my house and like do all this stuff? And I'm like, absolutely, because I love to feel useful. But I think I'm like a freak.

Speaker A: No, but Jason makes a good point as well. Like a Wednesday night or whatever, it's like something exciting to do that gets people in the door and it's fun for everybody. And I also think that I— this is how I feel about texting people for reservations, because finally food people are like, that's my job, I don't care, I'm happy to do it, it's not annoying to me. Speaker C: I hate texting for reservations. I'd rather like— Speaker A: that's the only way you can go. That's the only way to go to a restaurant anymore, so you don't choice.

Speaker C: I know, I know. I mean, it is, or— but I like when someone else does it and then I get to be in their party. Speaker A: That's me. Speaker B: Passenger princess. Speaker A: That is preferred. Speaker C: Exactly. That is passenger princess. Bench scraping stuff up the passenger seat. Speaker B: Is this table open? What are you gonna— Speaker A: That's me. Speaker B: Passenger princess. Speaker A: That is preferred. Speaker C: Exactly. That is passenger princess. Bench scraping stuff up the passenger seat. Speaker B: Is this table open?

What are you gonna— Speaker A: what car are you gonna drive in LA? Speaker C: I'm probably not gonna drive a car. I rented a car when I was there for a while last year and it was so heavenly, and I just like don't want to ruin the memory. I think I'm gonna Uber. Speaker B: You want to preserve car summer forever? Speaker C: Literally, I feel like my car was my safe space. Like, I was living like a 1940s ad man. I was like waking up and making like a Moka pot of coffee and getting in my rental car and driving to the studio.

And I would like listen, blast music. Speaker B: Do it again. I do it every day. Speaker C: I'm a really bad driver. Speaker A: I know you are. Speaker C: Every time I get in the car, there's a risk of, you know, I'm a bad driver. You could tell. Oh, yeah. Speaker A: Yeah, the second I met you, I just wouldn't get in the car with you. Speaker B: I think you have anxiety around all types of traveling and transportation. Speaker C: Okay, so not true. And actually, my husband is like nightmarishly anxious about air travel.

I was just reflecting today. I'm so glad I'm flying alone tomorrow. We call him the manager when he flies because he acts like he's like actually the pilot of the plane. Like when we go on like a 12-hour flight, he like does doesn't sleep a wink. Speaker A: Wait, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Speaker C: Yeah, please. Speaker A: When you get on the plane, do you wipe down the seat? Speaker C: No. Me? Speaker A: I didn't think so. I didn't think so, but I had to ask.

Speaker C: We just met. Like, when I get on the plane in my, like, ripped pajama pants from 2004 with, like, goldfish falling off of my person, am I wiping down this? Speaker A: Wait, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Speaker C: Yeah, please. Speaker A: When you get on the plane, do you wipe down the seat? Speaker C: No. Me? Speaker A: I didn't think so. I didn't think so, but I had to ask. Speaker C: We just met. Like, when I get on the plane in my, like, ripped pajama pants from 2004 with, like, goldfish falling off of my person, am I wiping down this?

Speaker A: I didn't think so, but that's my true judge of character. If you wipe down the seat, I don't think you're for me. Speaker C: No, you're not for me. And also when they hand me that little thing, I'm like, I don't like when someone gives me something I know I'm gonna have to throw out. Speaker A: They've stopped, they've stopped doing that. Speaker C: Really? Then I wish they would give me that thing. Airlines are so cheap. Speaker A: They really have. I noticed that like a year ago.

I was like, oh, they stopped doing this because now you can really identify the true freaks because they bring their own. Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, so true. I was— yeah, well, no, I'm not going to tell that story. It makes me sound bad. But I'm glad that my husband isn't traveling with me tomorrow because I'll be able to just enjoy the fact that like if the plane goes down, it's just gonna go down with all of us on it. Speaker A: Best way to die. Best way to die. Speaker C: If he was on the plane and it started to go down, he would like ask to talk to the pilot.

I'm not— Speaker A: excuse me, can I have a word? Speaker B: So he, he's like Mark Wahlberg with the 9/11 plane. If I was on that plane, it wouldn't have gone down that way. Like, your husband will have— would have landed this thing. Speaker A: That's my favorite. I forgot about that. Speaker C: My husband like identifies as the main character in Hijacked, you know what I mean? He's He's like, he's like, I'm gonna solve this hijack. And I'm like, I'm not. I'm gonna like take all of the Ativan in my purse.

Speaker A: That's my favorite. I forgot about that. Speaker C: My husband like identifies as the main character in Hijacked, you know what I mean? He's He's like, he's like, I'm gonna solve this hijack. And I'm like, I'm not. I'm gonna like take all of the Ativan in my purse. Speaker B: Okay, so he gets— sits down, he knows exactly what row to have eyes on the situation. He starts flipping buttons on the ceiling that aren't there, like he's in the cockpit and things like that. Speaker C: It's worse. We like— before we get on the plane, he starts scrolling anxiously at the airport because he's made us get there like hours in advance and He goes, oh, no IFE.

And I always go, what's IFE? And he says, in-flight entertainment. I always have to tell you. And he's like looking at a model of what our airplane is on his phone. And then we get on the plane and immediately— Speaker B: Airbus 312. Fuck, I hate this model. Speaker C: No IFE. And also, by the way, this is a man who hates being bored. He's like the most ADHD man I've met my entire life. But he has like never packed a book, downloaded a TV show, downloaded a podcast, like anything in his entire life.

And so he's like, oh, no IFE. So he's already in horrible mood. Anxiety's building. We get in the air and then immediately he starts— I'll be like nodding off and he'll tap me and be like, yeah, so we just descended about 5,000 feet in a 2-minute span, which is really irregular, but I'm keeping an eye on the situation. And I'm like, to what end? Speaker A: Yeah, big bro, what are you going to do if we go 10,000? You can't do shit about this. Speaker C: We once on our honeymoon, once we were flying to I love him so much.

We were flying to Turkey. Speaker A: Yeah, big bro, what are you going to do if we go 10,000? You can't do shit about this. Speaker C: We once on our honeymoon, once we were flying to I love him so much. We were flying to Turkey. Speaker B: Like, that you have to preface— Speaker A: you're— where were you flying? You say— did you say you're flying to Tahiti? Speaker B: Turkey. Oh, Turkey. Speaker C: Turkey. We were flying in Turkey, and it was like one of those situations where on like a regional carrier— I think we were flying from like Istanbul to Betja or something, like, you know, it's like we didn't know anything that was going on the whole time.

Speaker B: You weren't on the Emirates flight is what you're saying? Speaker C: No, absolutely not. Speaker A: Your hair— your hair transplant looks really good. They did a great job. Speaker C: Thank you. I got very big teeth. And it was one of those situations where people start saying stuff in a different language on the speaker and everyone around us starts anxiously rustling and going like, oh my God, oh my God. And then someone gets on the thing and then very painstakingly sort of says in broken English like, hey, so it's a really hard landing today.

It's super, super cloudy and the winds are really strong. So we're going to attempt it, but it might not work. They just say that, right? And then we're like, what the fuck? Like, that can't be how they actually said it, you know, fluently. Speaker B: Like, hold on, hold on, that can't be the word-for-word translation, surely. Speaker C: I'm sure they said into the thing like, and then if it doesn't work, we'll like come back up and we'll try it again and we'll circle. But they go like, but it might not work.

And then, and it like turns off and it's like a wind strike against the plane. Like, the whole thing is vibrating up and down and side to side in there. And things are sort of being thrown around us. It's getting closer and closer to touching down. And my husband gets so worked up about it. He's like, but they can't do this. What's going on? They can't do this. They can't attempt a landing in these conditions. And I was like, why are you unbuckling your seatbelt and standing up? Like, what are you going to do?

You're going to go talk to someone? This makes— Speaker C: I'm sure they said into the thing like, and then if it doesn't work, we'll like come back up and we'll try it again and we'll circle. But they go like, but it might not work. And then, and it like turns off and it's like a wind strike against the plane. Like, the whole thing is vibrating up and down and side to side in there. And things are sort of being thrown around us. It's getting closer and closer to touching down.

And my husband gets so worked up about it. He's like, but they can't do this. What's going on? They can't do this. They can't attempt a landing in these conditions. And I was like, why are you unbuckling your seatbelt and standing up? Like, what are you going to do? You're going to go talk to someone? This makes— Speaker A: Why are you unbuckling your seatbelt? Speaker C: That's like— they locked the cockpit. And he said, Ella, let me do what I need to do. And he stood up, walking toward the front of the plane.

And I was like, oh my God, he's actually gonna talk to— ask to talk to the pilot. And then a flight attendant very sternly was like, sit down, sir. And he was like, okay, no problem. And he should have got back in the seat and buckled and got ready to die. Speaker B: I like the idea of just going up to the cockpit and just not just tapping on the door. Speaker A: Hey, what's going on? Speaker C: Like, hey, are you sure you've thought this through? Speaker A: I know this is kind of your thing or whatever, but I'd like to give some feedback if you don't mind.

Speaker C: Did he think it was pilot suicide, or just like no one but him had considered that it could be a bad idea? Speaker B: You're like, oh yeah, crashing is bad, I agree. Speaker C: Thanks, man. Speaker A: Thanks, man. Speaker C: Wow. Speaker B: Well, I mean, I'm— I feel bad for your husband, outing him like that a little bit, but it was a good story, and I think I love him. Speaker C: Did he think it was pilot suicide, or just like no one but him had considered that it could be a bad idea?

Speaker B: You're like, oh yeah, crashing is bad, I agree. Speaker C: Thanks, man. Speaker A: Thanks, man. Speaker C: Wow. Speaker B: Well, I mean, I'm— I feel bad for your husband, outing him like that a little bit, but it was a good story, and I think I love him. Speaker C: I love him so much. Speaker A: Ella, thank you for joining us on How Long Gone. Obsessed with the The Best is everywhere you buy books. I, I assume it's available everywhere you buy books. It is. If you're in LA, go to Quarter Sheets, go to Etra, and I'm sure they can follow you on, um, Instagram to find out about more public appearances.

Speaker C: That's right. Thanks for having me. Speaker A: And I mean public appearances beyond the Five Guys on 7th Avenue. Speaker C: Yeah, please don't say hi to me if you see me there. Speaker B: I will sidebar about, uh, squirrel and duck. Speaker C: Yeah. Please. And Max and Helen. Speaker B: And Max and Helen as well. Speaker A: Great. Wow, you guys have a full plan. All right, well, thank you for joining us. Honestly, it was a pleasure and safe travels. Speaker B: We'll see you soon. Speaker C: Bye, guys.