963. - Chris & Jason

[00:18] How long gone? It is Chris Black. I am coming to you live from the extremely humid [00:24] urban metropolis of Atlanta, Georgia, them jeans, Rhode Island's finest, Taylor Swift's neighbor, what's really Gucci? Yeah, I'm over here in P-Dense, Providence, Rhode Island. P-Dense is how I describe your mental state. It's just a slap. Oh, come on now, man. Come on. He's P-Dense. He's P-Dense. Not in the good way. Not in the way that a book is long and detailed, [00:54] And that's what's happening to me right now. I'm feeling dense.

I do wish I was in... [01:00] um province town and not providence no homo but you know here we are um well i mean they're they're close in range you know what i mean you could you could get on a seaplane and get over there just fly to boston quick nothing something light i'd rather take the bordane ferry myself but oh god yeah i mean nothing like a ferry it's like if a train were worse i don't really understand the the charm of the i think a ferry for like 30 minutes is very charming but then once if you [01:30] That's just, I don't know.

That's tough, man. Spending time with a fairy for three hours? I mean, I've spent time with fairies for much longer than that. Just not open air. Chris. You know what I mean? Open air. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm in town because I DJed a wedding, and it happened last night, in a house that was... [01:52] That was giving Taylor Swift neighbor, I will say. Okay, so congratulations to the happy couple. What was the sort of... [01:58] Spotify 20 pack they sent you to show their vibes Spotify 20 pack glad you asked Chris let me pull it up I mean it was there was a lot of stuff that I would have already normally kind of played you know the Rihanna's nice they're very heavy on the Kanye I'm [02:17] A lot of Charlie.

Yeah, a lot of Kanye on there. Vroom vroom, bitch. Okay, cool. When you play a wedding, obviously it's tough because you got to please everyone. So you got the twinks who are saying, can you play the vroom vrooms? I want to hear fucking Von Dutch. I'm just living that life. Von Dutch. Classic, but it's still. You know, you got the 40-year-old three black guys, and I'm in the pocket with them on some other shit. You know, I'm playing some older Lil Wayne, you know. [02:47] Jason said, I got the ludicrous freestyle.

Don't worry, guys. I'll bring it up right now. And then, you know, then you got the guy who's... [02:58] who's on like 17 milligrams of Zinn, who like really wants to hear MGMT right now. Okay. So you're spinning a lot of plates. You can't please anyone. But I would say a couple songs that I would have never played... [03:12] uh that worked out very well unfortunately one of them was memories featuring kid cuddy from david guetta and kid cuddy i i have to say and i i mean i'm not familiar with that maybe i would be if i heard it is it is it that kind of situation kid cuddy just on the hook like he didn't do any additional production it's prime david guetta i don't know what it's probably yeah 2010 so jesus

[03:42] Okay. [03:50] Memories featuring Konkuddy. [03:52] 1,528,000,000 plays. All the crazy shit I did tonight. Those would be the best memories. See, and you wonder why we can't get rid of Kid Cudi. Shit like this. Y'all part of the problem. Y'all keep streaming his shit. He's going to think he can go on tour with MIA. And you know that don't end well. So I'm just, you know, it's your fault, people. I know. I've never streamed Kid Cudi, except for the one song that sounds like Fall Out Boy. What was the second song?

[04:22] I mean, let's see here. Are the other ones that really seem to go off... [04:27] International Players Anthem. Oh, I mean that, yeah. That's a song that I always play at a wedding, depending on how old the crowd is, since this crowd was a little younger, you know? [04:36] I was a little on the fence, but my white boys were there to sing along to every word, where you see every girl that you see around town, etc. That is really one of the greatest songs. I forget about that from time to time, but there was a point where that would, same thing, in the L-Bar era, you know, Atlanta, you would play that, and that would kind of be, that'd be the one.

Just a whole room full of white people with tattoos, rapping all these lyrics to each other. It was a mixed crowd. Do not do that. Mixed crowd, mixed crowd. [05:06] 30, but look, I said mix. No, that's true, but it's one of those songs where... [05:10] The first, maybe two and a half, like the first half of the song, there's no drums. Yeah. It's like three verses that are amazing. [05:19] and then the drums finally kick in. So it's just, you put it on, and everyone in the room is like, oh, damn.

It's a built-in buildup. And also, I always love playing it at weddings because it's literally, if you watch the video for it, the song and the verses are like his best, a guy's about to get married, and all of his best men are sort of giving him warnings about marrying this woman. I didn't know that. I don't think I've ever seen the video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [05:49] That's really funny. So, I mean, that one, and then also... [05:54] Another song that's not necessarily like a club banger that gets the people going.

What is Kanye West's Bound 2? I mean, that's a Chris top 10 rap song of all time, I have to say. Bound 2 is unreal. I think about that a lot. Great song, great beat. I mean, I used to play it all the time. When it first came out, I would play it at like if the club's over at 2, you know, it's [06:24] night, but it begins the part where we are now entering... [06:29] Pilot has turned on the seatbelt lights and we're about to come down. Because it's a ballad and a banger at the same time.

[06:38] It's all there. It contains multitudes. Yeah, I think about that a lot. I should listen to that more, actually. Because I don't listen to Kanye at all, not because of his problematic behaviors. Just because I don't really think about it. Like, I don't think about Kanye West at all, really. In a musical sense, which is kind of crazy. Neither do I. But you know who does? [06:55] 29-year-old white people. Oh, yeah, for sure. 72,000 sold out in Tampa last night. I love that he's just... 72,000. Shitting on fucking Rolling Stones, bro.

I love that he's just picking cities where it's okay. Like, Tampa, bro, Tampa, like, what? Like, how did... That feels like I closed my eyes and threw a dart. I mean, Tampa is obviously a busy part of Florida. I believe still maybe the highest performing edition hotel, funnily enough. I didn't know that. Shout out to our edition family. Yeah. [07:25] But yeah, I mean, I guess there are big stadiums, though. The further south you go. I think it's less of him, like, where can I go, where they're... [07:34] okay with my um yeah anti-semitism antics uh and more so like where are the biggest stadiums in the world i know i wonder if he's gonna start hitting mexico interpol style you know i feel like did he do that oh he did that oh that was oh you're right you're right you're right i mean he's already played all over the world so now that was like that was sort of the warm-up and now [07:54] American promoters are like, you did how many tickets in Istanbul?

Okay, well, you know. So do you think that we'll see Kanye, Giants Stadium, Meadowlands, or, you know, since it's World Cup, New York, New Jersey Stadium, do we think we will see in the next calendar year? [08:10] kanye touchdown in a real state you know what i mean in new york or la be a great little poly market calci wouldn't it you know how long until kanye's at chicago well he's i think he's doing chicago but like what is the least likely city for kanye to play in bro he could do soldier field with fucking r kelly ariel pink and john mouse and no one will give a no one will give a fuck because it's the best of both yes the all worlds yes it's the yes the it's the vibe and stereo gum

[08:40] I don't know if... I feel like you're right. I feel like once the Band-Aid's ripped off and he's doing it stateside and you're seeing the numbers, and you're right, nobody's touching those numbers. It's pretty staggering. And if people... I mean, other than, you know... [08:53] Chris Brown, ironically. Like, nobody else. I mean, Travis Scott, I guess. Yeah. That's about it. I don't know if Travis Scott could do... 72,000 is maybe... I honestly don't know who could do that alone. Yeah, that's... I mean, that's like when you're on the Delta flight, you're watching the Queen biopic again, and they're doing Live Aid.

Yeah. [09:12] You know, it's like that shit. Kanye's doing that every week. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Because there's also no music worth listening to, what, in the last decade? Mm-hmm. I mean, from the videos I saw when he did the thing in LA, it did look like... [09:25] a sort of ninth grade meetup. So I think the audience is... [09:32] is obviously old heads who don't give a fuck but then like discord power users that like just started using deodorant feel that's like what feels like that kind of feels like the vibe which is ninth grade meetup it's for yeah it's all the old heads like us and then everyone like when we first turned a certain age you get all of your like government issue albums like here's the punk album here's the hip-hop album here's whatever yeah and when kids nowadays you turn 12 and you're [10:02] yeah you're right like it changes your life at that point you're right it's crazy that yeezus is somebody's like led zeppelin you know like not that i so many people's led zeppelin it's so crazy it's their effects it's their throbbing gris i wouldn't go see i i'm not interested in seeing kanye west at this point i feel like he i feel like no matter how cool the visuals are you know that's worse than going that's like the worst possible people you could be around i feel like

[10:32] it's either that or drake i guess but drake's not doing shows he's scared but actually last night it was so funny there was there was a girl there and she kept she was mad at me because i was playing hip-hop songs that had the n-word in it and i didn't know what to tell her i was like i don't know what i'm gonna do here because everyone there's a lot of hip-hop being requested and you know i i'm a grown-ass man i can't play the clean versions but i was i was playing um drake hell yeah [10:59] I'm fucking right.

H-Y-F-R. Don't even get me started. I'm about to knock the walls down in here. You play that for me. And I was like, do they have like a Mormon, like, heck yeah, freaking right version of this? But that song starts out. [11:13] Where he says, all my exes live in Texas like I'm George Strait. Classic. And then there was, which is classic. And that's another song that's, what, 15 years old too, it seems like by now. Definitely. Definitely. And it was like a week ago, Drake was in the club DJing.

I don't know where. Probably in Houston or something like that. Houston, bro. And he opened his set by playing All My Exes Live in Texas by George Strait. So hard. So he's been. So hard. He's not new to this. He's true to this. [11:43] I mean, that DJ set was pretty awesome. Because I guess the thing with Drake that people hate to admit, but will give him credit for, is being really... Like, he was playing Houston shit that, like, heads were like, yo, this is crazy that he's playing this. Like, hip-hop shit.

Like, stuff that we don't... You're saying it's not just his pen, but it is his ear, too? I'm saying that I think Drake, much like many people of his level, maybe a Diplo or someone that gets the... They constantly get hit with culture vulture charges. Right. [12:13] doing your homework and you're putting it back in like drake has given people generational wealth by getting on a remix for some shit if some guy from alabama you had ever heard of that's to me that's doing a service that you can't really hate on someone for that yeah and diplo is doing the same exact thing except he's keeping the generational wealth and well no he's giving it he's giving them a child at least before he you know what i mean he'll get he'll go to the favela give him a couple kids and come you know he's i mean dread there's well we'll see if drake paid [12:43] of take keith who knows but at least drake or diplo's more up front with it he's like all right cool great song [12:50] Here's a check for $1,500.

I'm going to go play. I'm going to go ahead and let Coachella with it. I'm going to play this at the end of my run club in Austin, so I'll just let you know. No, no, no. I don't even know what the points mean or whatever. Just sign it, and we'll figure it out later. He's like Drewski. He could have been records. He's could have been records. Just sign here. I mean, I think that Drake is one of those guys who probably is low-key. Obviously, he's paying for 15 women's rent with a cascading size of BBLs, [13:20] Drake low-key is paying for funerals and shit.

I guarantee you that someone paid for Take Heath's funeral. Yeah. I'm not... I don't... There's no way that people aren't... Like, that's just... These guys have too much money and they know... I think the thing about it is if you talk about it, you're corny. So we have to find out about it in nefarious ways, kind of. Like, Drake ain't going on live saying I paid for a funeral. That's corny. No. Drake, he's on the GoFundMe. He said... [13:45] anonymous yeah that's when i hit the gofundme i have to hit anonymous i have to hit anonymous whenever i do the gofundme for a little your cat got cancer i've you know 20 bucks aubrey graham every time that's like when when virgil got hit with the he did like a 51 and and then people found out he gave like a giant sum behind the scenes after he got roasted for donating on the you got to do anon bro you got to do anon i so i last night i i um [14:14] I went to Elmere, of course, with Ezra and Courtney, and we were having a nice convo.

For our listeners at home, that's his local dive bar haunt. He loves a dive bar and cold beer and tofu burritos. You know me. So Ezra's telling me about he met a guy through his work. Pause. Who has one of the most interesting jobs I've ever heard of in my life. He is the guy. He is the broker who you call if you want buildings in New York to change colors. [14:44] You know what I'm saying? If you want to light up a building for an occasion, this is the guy.

And I believe my understanding is he has the contracts with the building or whatever. You know what I mean? I don't know exactly how the business works. So you said change colors. You don't mean like a paint job. You mean like the Knicks won and now I want our lights to be orange and blue tonight? Literally, yes. But then it got into another level where there's, I guess, an application. This is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. [15:14] fee, you know, this isn't a 20, this is a multi-thousand dollar application and you, [15:19] can control lights as a citizen.

So if you're like a finance guy and you're like trying to bag a shorty and you're like, y'all really love the color of your eyes. Or if you're Drake, seems like something Drake would do. You say, look out the window, bang, building the color of her eyes. Shebang. Shebang. Imagine how well that works. Imagine how quickly you're back in the Escalade getting topped off. Imagine. I don't know. I don't know. [15:49] changing the lights that does have some tech founder virgin energy to it yeah of course no shade to your broker bro i'm not talking about i'm not talking i'm not no question it has that i'm just telling you if you're a finance guy on a date with a west village chick that works there is no way that ain't working i'm not saying it would work on everyone i'm saying the west village girl is easily impressed by you know bright lights fog machines and yeah sounds and things [16:19] texting a chick and she's at home in her two bedroom she shares with her fucking sorority sister and you say, what's your favorite color?

And then she looks outside and that shit is fucking Lily Pulitzer pink. Yo, you're getting... Hey, tell your fat roommate to move out of the window because I just changed that shit to purple. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying that is a pretty... Bro, I could do that with the Philips light bulb right now. [16:40] This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world.

And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions, but how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points [17:10] stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned platform they're not afraid to say what they want to say brother yeah rupert ain't sniffing around in in what uh journalists kai wright and carter sherman are up to over there at uh stateside but yeah listen wherever you get your podcast you can watch on youtube it's three times a week and and who couldn't use more news you know especially especially when it's [17:35] when it's not, [17:36] you know, from here, let's say.

Give it a listen. Give it a listen. [17:40] Jason, this episode is brought to you by com. You know, for some of us, summer is our favorite season. The sun is shining. You're taking road trips. You're in the ocean. You're in the pool. You're having maybe a cocktail. We're traveling. The kids are out of school. They're down, you know, they're skipping rocks at the creek. But for others, juggling all that summer fun can be tough. Counting down the minutes until the kids are back in school ain't healthy for anybody. You can't waste the days of sunshine.

[18:10] being. [18:11] about if you're using the Days of Sunshine. [18:14] the best that you could, Jason. Yeah. Overthinking summer. It happens to a lot of us workaholics out there. Or let's say, you know, you just, you're, you're about to go spend a lot of time on the beach at the pool and you don't want to be one of those guys that always has to pull their shirt down every time you lift your hands up or do a cannonball with a little therapy with our friends at BetterHelp. We'll be able to, you know, fall, do a tumble, do a cartwheel without [18:37] Quickly pulling that shirt back down to cover your stomach.

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You put on the white coat, you sit down, you say a bunch of stuff, but it's nothing I can use. You know, maybe you told me you're fine, drink more water as if I could. I'm not leaving with no real data, no game plan, just a pat on the ass. [19:36] sick and tired of it. And luckily, Jason's superpower is here to fix my problems. Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who really cares about inside of my body and all the diseases. And now, you know, the doctors, they've been gatekeeping this info and they don't really care about me that much.

Their head is out of the game. They're thinking about golf. They're thinking about what they're going to have for dinner. I care. I want to go through all these [20:06] find out what's going on with my body and how to fix it, how to help it, because we don't know what's going on inside of our body. We don't know how much sleep we should be getting, what supplements we need, what foods we should be avoiding. And this info is all there thanks to science and technology. So make this year the year you stop guessing about your health with superpower.

For a limited time, our listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over [20:36] HowLong for $20 off your membership. That's code HowLong. And after you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about Superpower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them HowLong on Sentia, and that'll help support the show. [20:51] but that's not the same bro that feels creepy that feel that feels that feels creepy this feels like hey girl look out your window right now i broke into your wi-fi i have your ip address and i'm changing the light of your of your house i broke into your car and change the bulbs so when you get in the when you get a car but i was just fascinated i was like man there really is a job for everybody out there i was like what a fascinating what a fascinating career [21:15] What a fascinating career and way to go.

And I feel like it's quite profitable. Yeah, and it also seems like an interesting gig because with work like that, there's like, oh, you know, Christmas season, that's when we do all the, you know, if you'd make, if you sell trees, [21:29] you know christmas season that's your time you do this there's like your zones of when business is good and bad if you're an ac repairman you're probably working more in the summer than the winter but i feel like that job [21:40] It just happens every time on a whim, whatever it could be.

It's just like, oh, I'm getting the call. Yeah. Anybody's got a color. Ghana just won. Ghana just tied South Africa. Yeah. We got to get all these buildings lit up on the ladder. We got to get all these buildings. Yeah. Going up on the ladder. I got to, got to put on my car hearts and get on the ladder. But anyway, so I got home last night and I was talking to my mom, you know, she's retired now. And besides being a, you know, sort of like a full time free babysitter for my sister,

[22:10] I noticed that she's gone for long periods of the day. Like she's gone from, you know, for hours. And I'm like, what on earth is she doing? Like, I can't imagine that Costco can take that long every day. You know what I mean? Expecting a drug problem, Chris? What's going on? I wish. She's like, no, I go to the gym. I'm there for two and a half hours a day. And I'm like, what do you mean? [22:40] Zumba class. [22:42] five days a week bro i was like mom i don't know if i could even do that like she's she late like i was blown away because she is since she's retired she's gotten in incredible shape it's and i knew she was i knew she was like walking and doing stuff but i didn't know she was like all the blacks are built down right now i didn't know i did whole squad bmi total is under 30 i did not know she was getting it in like that i'm like man that maybe maybe retirement does make [23:12] she's got all these friends from Zumba.

They go to lunch. She's blowing four hours a day. Like, the day's over. What if she only does this when you're in town, because you're so annoying? Like, normally she's just posted up on the couch watching fucking... Watching Rachel Ray cook a fucking omelet. She's like, oh, the fourth hour of Good Morning America. Great. As soon as little Chris comes home and starts complaining about every little damn thing, you know, I don't have my Ritz crackers bowl. I don't have my this. You know, where's my... You change the fabric softener on me.

She's like, I'm out of here. I'm going to go... [23:42] I'm doing air quotes right now. I'm going to do another one of my Zumba classes. Honestly, I haven't seen it. So that could be, that could be a possibility. I was just blown away. I was like, I, that is unbelievable use of time that I'm, you know, deeply jealous of. That's like levels that only professional athletes get to spend, you know? Well, Chris, I mean, I know you're a busy guy. I'm a busy guy. We're all busy, but you also have time to go to the gym for two hours a day.

You'll, you, you could, you don't have anything else [24:12] and everything like that but you could carve out another hour no i could if you really wanted to i could i think the issue is the issue is we can't keep pushing this book back but you know we'll figure i think it's figure out a bike to bike is the problem i think i could do a morning and an evening but then that becomes a scheduling issue i just but but there's another darker part of this story and this is what i really was trying to get to is she's not hitting her macros don't tell me [24:36] Well, great, great, great thing.

So I get, I did a track workout this morning over at the local high school. I get back and she's like, Hey, have you, um, [24:44] I know you're not eating bars anymore, but have you tried these? And guess what she's holding up, Jason? [24:50] Is it a Chomps? Chomps stick? David. David. [24:54] David. David has invaded my parents' house. My mom is selling me. My mom is soft selling me David bars this morning in the kitchen. Well, now I know what Santa Claus is bringing. Yeah, I was like, Mom, how many of these do you want?

Because I'll get them to drop a pallet off. Which flavor do you like? But I was like, wow, actually, David feels like such a coastal thing to me. And I know you can get everywhere. I know their distribution is one of the more impressive parts of the business. DTC. [25:24] They don't sell them in Whole Foods because they have fucking diarrhea... [25:27] fat in them or whatever i couldn't believe it i could i was stunned that it had made it's diarrhea fat yeah i mean that was does she have a flavor i mean i for the record i'm i'm not mad at a david bar no i'm not mad at it i'm not i'm just saying that it many are it feels like a i'm not this has nothing to do with the taste or or texture of a david bar this has to do with the fact that it feels like something a classic case of something that only exists in our sort of depressing bubble of life and for it to have made it to my parents kitchen was staggering to me it'd [25:57] It'd be like you coming home from the airport, putting your bag down.

[26:01] And your mom's got the little Audemars swatch dangling from her purse. You're like, how the fuck do you know that? How'd you get that color away too, bitch? No, I still have my Kate Spade you got me 10 years ago, but I've attached. Yeah, it's an accessory. I don't use it to tell time. She's got the Rockies matcha whisk in the kitchen. Dude, I think this is where we're going. I don't think all this stuff is out of the question. I think the world is getting, as the internet gets bigger, the world gets smaller.

[26:31] Like every once in a while my mom will like, [26:34] Tell me something How the fuck do you know about How do you know that people are Shitting their pants at the Noah Conn concert Wouldn't you hear that mom? That's one of the coolest things That I've ever Like [26:48] That is more a testament to the downfall of society than anything I've seen in maybe the last decade. I agree. But in terms of the rule of threes rule. Okay. Last week, we have Olivia Rodrigo saying, I can actively smell everyone's piss diapers from the stage.

Yeah. And then this week, Noah Kahn says, hey, guys, stop shitting your pants, pulling the shit out of your underwear and throwing it on the ground. [27:18] like talking about it. Like it's so, it's so crazy. What's going to happen next week? You're right. There is a secret third thing. All right, guys. I think you're right. You know, it's going to be, it's going to be at the Kid Cudi show. [27:29] And he's going to have to do a tweet that says, like, please stop delivering babies. Or, like, what's the next bodily function?

Like, attention. If anyone vomits on the floor, don't scoop it back up and eat it. Like, where do we go from? I don't. Please stop. You know what this is, Jason? Removing feces from yourself. This feels like people are starting to act like dogs. [27:53] Like, I think dogs have gotten too popular, and now people are looking to emulate dogs in a non-sexual way. This isn't I wore a shock collar on my dick. You know what I mean? This is, like, actual, like, bad stuff is happening. Okay. We're dog-brained. Okay, so now we're going to go to concerts.

We're going to go to concerts. I got that. Okay. Go off, bro. We're going to go to the cajon-certs. And then there's going to be, you walk in, here's the porta-potties over there. [28:23] Here's the little like mobile hand washing stations over here. And then right by the front, you know, by the gate, as they say, we're going to lay out a bunch of piss pads on the ground. And then, you know, clean up as a snap. You piss on the pad instead of just like on your neighbor or just on the floor in front of you.

And you wipe up the pad, fold it up, and then put it into your little. But the question, Jason, is which brand is going to, is it going to be Lunen? Is it going to be Olipop? [28:53] co-brand the piss pad because it has to be a collaboration with the classic dog piss pad but who can bring something new to the table? You know what I mean? I've only been drinking alkaline water can I use this piss pad or is there a different one that I should use? [29:10] Okay, so what's the brand that we're going to align with the pad?

I mean, I'm liking com for this. Oh, I'm like, no, I'm like, I think, but I'm saying, I think Chewy, I'm saying it needs to be something from the hydration space to make it more appealing to the Gen Z audience that's doing it. You know what I mean? Like, I think com, they've already got their cart full. They have that shit set, set it and forget it. So I'm saying, I'm saying which Erwan level sort of DTC beverage will take some of that dirty VC cash and pump it into the piss pad collab.

[29:40] that's that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying i mean because they're part of the problem they're creating a sentence and a question that was so good an answer and a reply not needed anything else i say will only take away from it but you're right the water water sellers are contributing [29:59] to the diaper-filling epidemic. Like at the Jay-Z show, it would be Poland Springs, right? Because obviously, that's the New York water. That's like real shit. That's New York shit. That's what Fat Joe would use, so that's what we got to do.

You know what I mean? If Fat Joe were to drink water, it would be Poland Springs. Yeah, yeah. He drinks water, but it's got crystal light in it, so it's a little easier to choke down. Well, he drinks water, but only to... He puts the hot dog bun in there, so when you eat it, it can do it all in one hit. [30:29] mode yeah he's going joy mode um [30:32] And also, speaking of hydration, I feel like a lot of these concertgoers, like Olivia and Noah... [30:39] they wouldn't be complaining about [30:42] the smell of piss-filled diapers if people were hydrating enough.

You know what I mean? That's also, yeah. Clear pee... [30:50] We know water in, water out. If you're hydrated enough, your diaper shouldn't smell. I bet. No, no. I bet. See, that is true, and that's crazy. I think Olivia's audience is so young that they're kind of on the pink drink wave. I would say that a Noah Cahan show, 42,000 people in Philadelphia, the amount of reusable water bottles of that show, it's bigger than the REI warehouse. They got more reusable. That's true. [31:20] of dented and stickered reusable water bottles.

Noah Cahan, Philadelphia, world record breaking. You could take all the stickers off of all the water bottles and it would stretch around the world 7.3 times. Absolutely. It would get you from here to fucking Australia, no problem. They would all be Moab related. They'd all be about a gravel bike. I summited this mountain. This car has climbed this mountain. No, no. [31:50] we got to invent... I mean, I'm sure it already exists, but we have to perfect it and market it. We don't need to be first to market just best.

Some type of catheter system or something to where... [32:04] We can have, I don't know, maybe Yonder gets involved. Okay. Like, oh, I see what you're saying. Okay, yeah, I see what you're saying. If they're already handing out the bags, like what if there's a little bladder attached to it? And then you have your bladder, you fill it up. [32:18] you know scent free you know we they have a system to where it's pretty clean yeah yeah and then you know maybe we'll there's like holes in the ground that you can dump them into or there's like a there's a bladder empty station there's a bladder empty station i think this feels like something that or we use drones you pee you have your little yonder case you pee inside of it [32:39] or shit, vomit, whatever comes out of your body, and then you hit a button, and then a drone comes and picks it up because you can't leave your spot at the Cajon search.

No, you can't. That's the whole point of shitting your pants is so you don't lose your front row seat. You fucking idiot. Do you think I want to shit myself? All right, so this Phoebe Bridgers tour is coming up. It's sold out. What do we think her audience, obviously they're drinking Single Origin in the morning, but what do we think, [33:09] alcohol is it is it a ranch water like what does the phoebe bridgers audience what is the what do you think they're hydrating with at the at the stadium in brooklyn what do we think yeah it was because i was when i was i was checking this out at the wedding yesterday all these people who are you know are of phoebe age [33:27] but not necessarily, you know, less so in the blue-haired barista space and more so in the do-you-know-what-my-dad-does space.

Two great spaces, if I'm keeping it above. Two great spaces. Luckily, you're fluent in both. I am, I am. Yeah, you're fluent in the blue-haired barista space. You could speak that fluently, and you could also speak Vineyard Vines belt. Bro, all day. Put me in the room, bro. I'll ping pong. All day. I'll close any room like that. [33:57] But everyone is drinking June shines, high noons, canned watermelon, vodka, you know, seltzer shit. It seems like. [34:07] We've moved beyond the need for like a cocktail, like putting a shot of vodka in a cup and then putting soda water and a lime into it.

We have sort of moved. I would say we've evolved beyond it, but maybe it's more of a devolution, but it's more of just like the slop tray. Just like we got a bucket with ice and some canned trulies and seltzers and poppies and loppies and doppies. And then you just grab it and you're like, water better. It tastes better. [34:35] I mean, it's an easier delivery system, and I think the real appeal of that is you're buying it in bulk like beer. You know what I mean? You're grabbing a 12-pack.

Yeah, you're grabbing a 12, throw it in the cooler, put ice over it. I don't like that tequila. It's not agave forward enough for me. [34:55] Honestly, what I do like about the popularity of those drinks is that you can instantly tell who you don't want to talk to because they're holding one. [35:05] from the twisty mustache cocktail culture that our generation was plagued by. And obviously it's a gross overreaction, but I think I would prefer it. Like a guy in a fucking canvas apron with a swivel stick in his fucking mouth.

You know what I mean? I would rather have a guy fresh off 18 holes grab a couple of fucking June shines from the cooler than hear that guy talk about a highball and what Suntory brand he imported. [35:35] You know what I mean? Okay, well, slow, don't bring a delicious Suntory highball into it. More so... [35:41] a guy who's like blow torching a dried pineapple slice. Yeah, you know what I mean. I know what you mean. He's like doing a ceremony with rosemary and like a Palo Santo stick. And I know exactly what you mean.

It is a pendulum swing in the other direction that is quite far, an overcorrection. And hopefully one day we'll just go back to... [36:05] tequila in a cup with ice and a lime what's really interesting about it is that they're like i went to there's a bar here called righteous room that has arguably the best veggie best veggie burger in the world i would say okay best veggie burger so i went there to have one solo and i and i was looking at the menu and i noticed you know that i like forget because i don't really go to regular bars very often that all of these drinks are talking about are also available at the bar [36:35] feels crazy like doing that at home or at a wedding makes sense to me going to a bar and ordering a yeah a watermelon and lime like ranch water it feels that feels crazy to me i don't i don't want to leave my house put on a put on pants and a nice shoes and sit down and order something that can be found at the bucky's or having a pre-made drink at a bar feels like just stay home

[37:05] at home only conversing on their phone and they're going out in public so i guess it's sort of you know and maybe they're smoking a cigarette so maybe it's a you know maybe maybe they were a little learning make up for it in some other way yeah um what was i gonna say oh also speaking of speaking of beverages i feel like i went to i got some breakfast this morning at this place called ellie's which is like the old people french restaurant cafe kind of thingy we we and i was [37:35] to the kind of tertiary cities and you see how [37:38] how far, I guess behind is not the right word exactly, because I don't want it to sound too mean, but I guess technically behind, just like the trends of food and culture of just like, oh, you know, you guys just got [37:51] Avocado toast just landed in Tulsa or whatever.

I'm exaggerating, but these are just examples and I was thinking I [37:58] When the watermelon radish... [38:01] At some point, 15 years ago, we discovered the watermelon radish. I don't think I've discovered it yet, but go ahead. But people still order avocado toast, and it's still a thing. Avocado toast rocks, bro. I'm not going to let you malign its good name. I think it's good. I mean, I'm not saying that it's not. I'm just saying it tastes good. That's two different things. I'm not ordering it, but I'm just saying that it tastes good.

To me, it's like... It's pretty cool that you're the guy saying this after you brought up watermelon radishes, [38:31] ahead. You go ahead with that. But I'm saying because... [38:35] Avocado toast is so often... [38:38] Paired with watermelon radishes for some reason. Yeah, that's true. That's true. And it's... I mean, obviously, just because it looks... Crunch. Interesting and different. But, like, I don't know anyone who's ever... [38:50] like eating breakfast and saying like god i wish i had radishes right now and you know it's it's a real kind of all show no go [39:00] I think the problem with food right now, we need more watermelons and less watermelon radishes.

I mean, I don't know where I would encounter a watermelon radish at all. Like, I can't think of one. I mean, I would say at least 75% of avocado toasts being sold in any given city in America has... Anything besides that? Can you think of anything? Well, I mean, there used to be a really popular plating garnish item. [39:30] It's just people will discover like, oh, if you take this watermelon radish and you slice it thin, it's like really pretty and it looks good. But it doesn't really taste, it kind of tastes like water, right?

It just tastes like a radish, which is like fine. I like, I love eating radishes if I'm at the taco truck and, you know, it helps cool your mouth down after some spicy habanero, but. Okay. Okay. I mean, or the classic kind of French radish with butter. Yeah, I was thinking of, that's the only time I've had it. And I do like it in that instance, but that's more of a delivery vehicle for butter than anything else. It is. [40:00] but I don't know but but watermelons themselves delicious [40:04] I love watermelon so much.

I don't think watermelon in the summer is pretty well represented. I don't think we're lacking. I mean, you're not going to order it at a restaurant, obviously. I want to see more watermelon at the restaurant. Well, the problem is somebody will put it in a salad with cheese, and that's ruining. The idea of being able to order half a watermelon at a restaurant and it comes perfectly cubed to the table. Great idea. I'm with you. You know I hate fruit as dessert. In this case, it could work. [40:34] Yeah, I mean, fruit for dessert, it works at a Chez Panisse type scenario, and it works at a high-level Japanese restaurant.

Let me ask you a question. I've had an expensive melon after some sushi, and it did hit right. [40:48] If we were at the How Long Gone Cafe, if we offered a bowl of watermelon, and I don't want to overdo it. I wouldn't want to disrespect the classic nature of this. [41:04] is there a topping for watermelon? Is there something besides a lime squeeze that would, that would do something for like visually, I guess. So it's not a pile of red melon. Yeah, that's a great question. And you're, you're on the right track with lime.

I think, you know, I would, I would do something in the space of Chez Panisse where, you know, you get the little, it's a metal goblet type of pedestal bowl, ice cold out of the freezer. [41:34] got like seven of the best strawberries you can ever eat on planet earth in there don't do anything else to it's perfect for a watermelon you're gonna have to cut it and cube it i don't know if you go all uniform same exact size or if you kind of do these i have an idea i have an idea shapes okay no and i don't want to i don't want to you know bring up an illuminati conversation okay pyramid [41:56] The watermelon pyramid.

That's nice. That's very nice. That is very nice. And then around it, Jason, it's surrounded by lime moat. Bro, they should have never let you go to culinary school. With this imagination, you're going to turn the food world on its head. It sounds like what you're doing, it has a little kind of like... [42:14] korean shaved ice like um with like red bean drizzle of condensed milk and the fruit kind of thing yeah i like pyramid it's really smart i think the lime moat is good a series of maybe some like stainless steel toothpicks or like mini forks that you would use for okay like a little oyster fork that's how i serve it at home i'm more of a do yeah that's a good idea when you do our fruit dessert yeah i'll get a i'll get a couple little dishes with that and then some kind [42:44] tail for yeah that's a really that's a nice because i i do feel like you know summertime running through the grass shoes off you want to do it you know barehanded but in a sophisticated setting you needed a delivery system of some sort of fork a mini a mini fork obviously can hold a mini fork the constitution of a metal mini fork can can hold up a nice piece of a sizable piece of melon and uh and then the little lime moat you know run it through the garden that's nice [43:14] I would like maybe a little...

Like a fry and ketchup. Maybe a little mint on top as a garnish is the only thing I can really think of. Yeah, there we go. We need some color on the plate. And speaking of ketchup, another beef I have, when the restaurant has the food item, let's call it a breakfast sandwich or the burger, and... [43:36] instead of it coming with ketchup. [43:39] It comes with, you know, house-made tomato jam. No, no one wants that, bro. [43:45] All right, this episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by Revolve.

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Reaching more than 80 million users on the platform. I like the sound of that, Chris. Is there something that you're trying to track down on Poshmark specifically? I'm actually in the market for a new dop kit, a secondary dop kit. Backup dop. Probably LV to keep with my suite of products or maybe a Prada nylon because that's also very durable. Okay. Okay. [46:35] I feel good about it, but because new deals and styles are listed every single day, so do not wait. Download the Poshmark app today. Use code HOWLONG when you sign up and get $10 off your first purchase.

Get out your fucking wallet. It's time to talk about Rocket Money, baby. I'm trying to save some money. I was talking to a friend of the show, Bryn Walner, yesterday, and she was saying if you looked at your subscriptions, you could be living like me. That's what she was saying. [47:05] for without your knowledge, then maybe you could be in Switzerland like me. You could be in Geneva. You could be at F1. Yeah, it does make sense. I think it really boils down to everyone knows it, but they just don't have the time.

They don't want to do it. Everyone knows they can go clean all the clothes out of their closet, sell them, and then take that money and buy a dream vacation or a trip to Geneva or a new Rolex. But you just don't do it. You don't have the time. It's too much work. Luckily, nowadays, places like Rocket Money do it all for you. They're [47:35] to do it for you. So then all that money that you're saving, we can turn that into truly whatever it is that you want. Just make sure that you're not just taking all that money and resubscribing to the same services that you didn't use before.

Okay. I've never done anything like that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at com slash how long. That's com [48:05] com slash how long. Yeah. And you can, any restaurant can offer that. You can offer the special chipotle ketchup, the curry ketchup with Indian spices, the Mexican jalapeno ketchup, the sriracha ketchup. You can offer all that stuff, but you can't have it be the only thing because everyone likes ketchup and only 30% of people want [48:30] ketchup with curry in it 30 is generous and i'm being jen that that's if they're serving fries at the indian restaurant maybe people want curry i don't curry curry ketchup but i i agree with you i mean i think that is a that is a space that has been um unfortunately disrupted over the years and i feel like we're coming back to god's light and no one really that feels very like 2010 to me it does i mean just imagining you know somebody coming they're hung over they went out last night

[49:00] the big breakfast shift and like it's your job to take all the bottles of Heinz 57 and then add fucking some bullshit to it instead of just serving just like instead of just putting the glass bottle of Heinz 57 on the table and saying here's your ketchup for your fries you're the one who's got to wake up and make the Chipotle ketchup I just I feel like that is a I have seen that less and less but that is something you would see in Providence Rhode Island if that makes sense you'd see that here too [49:29] It's true.

[49:30] Because I saw in Chinatown a couple weeks ago, I saw people walking around with big ass, nice quarters of watermelon. And I walked by and like a Chinese lady selling quarters, $1, $1. And I was in route somewhere, so I couldn't kind of get the mess all over my hands, you know. But I was like, that is a real, the way you could pull over in LA and get fruit anytime you want. New York doesn't really have that. You can get nuts and they're delicious, but it's not the same.

[50:00] Hot nuts? They're delicious. They really are a treat. I do like a hot nut on a cold day. I agree with that. You can't be grabbing those July 5th. You know what I mean? It's not going to land right. Speaking of spicy... [50:14] Sriracha mayo and ketchups. [50:18] Katsuya chef and sushi master. [50:21] Has passed away. And he's the guy who created spicy tuna. I heard about this. And let me tell you something. Pour one out for him. He turned... Pour the sake out. He made white people like sushi.

That is... Spicy tuna is what I think is what turned white people into sushi. And if he... [50:40] Did he die rich? I think he probably did well. I mean he went he had his like original Katsuya restaurant in in LA Which I have been too many times. It was like my first introduction into like I [50:52] some baller sushi. Um, we would go with Andre whenever Andre's mom was in town, we would get, we would get her to go. And, you know, she would be nice enough to float the cost of all those, you know, black cod miso.

I didn't really have the budget for it at the time, but so I really got to eat good. But after, after they were franchised out by SBE, I'm sure he got a tidy little check. Good for him, man. I used to hit Katsuyall. Yeah. I mean, it's, I just, that's a [51:22] H. Wood era, the Hills, you know, I mean, that's a, that's a hall of fame restaurant. I did not, I saw that he died. I did not realize he was the gentleman that brought that birth, that child. And I, I mean, hold on a moment of silence, actually.

[51:38] and he he invented other other sushi items as well and he was sort of known as it was like because there's other places where it's like they'll have the sign up that says like no spicy tuna yeah yeah get out of here if you think you're gonna have a freaking california roll [52:08] You know, one of the worst sushi restaurants in LA. You've never been there. Don't say that. Don't say that. I've been there. I've eaten at that fucking dump. I don't think it's... I think, first of all, it's crazy because you are the type of person who would like a place that said no California roll.

No. So, yes, you are. I actually like California rolls. I'm not saying you don't like the way they taste. I'm saying spiritually, that's how you come off. Yeah. Fair enough. Well, I guess what I was saying is... [52:31] even though Katsuya invented spicy tuna rolls, he was also the kind of guy who would like... [52:39] kick you out if you were on some bullshit. Like he had, he had a zero tolerance. I mean, at his original restaurant, [52:45] You know, if you go in there, [52:47] and you're like, "Oh, we're trying to put three people onto a two top," or like, "Oh, can we do the...

you know, ask for some extra shit?" It wasn't like Soup Nazi level, but it was just like, [52:58] All right, you're out. That's cool to be like, I'm the guy who invented the thing that crossed this over, but also if you look at me the wrong way, you're fucking out of here. If I don't like your vibe, peace. I mean, I have so many amazing stories of going to that original Katsuya. [53:13] Like you go in, there's no reservations. You write your name down on a list and you sit on the fucking floor, go in the parking lot, smoke cigarettes for an hour and a half.

Sometimes it's you and fucking what about what about Justin Timberlake and Charlize Theron? Do you remember Katana? We brought, have we talked about Katana before? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm familiar with it and I don't know if I've been there. It seems like a restaurant that David Spade goes to. I think they go to, they go to Koi, I think. Yeah, definitely. [53:43] guys they go to koi which i still kind of want to go to koi we could go to koi anytime i've been it's good seems like the kind of place where you get [53:50] You know, the spicy tuna hand roll, and it has, like, purple flowers on top and shit.

I haven't been there in so long, but all those places really... That was, like, those restaurants, I feel like, really glamorized, like, sushi to regular people. Like, I really feel like that was the era that made it work. It is. Damn, P. to the goat. Pour one out. I'll pour out my... P. to the goat. My non-alcoholic sake. My A. sock. A friend of the show, Ben Dietz, he sent me a message this morning.