Episode Revisit: Torture

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Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Head to com to get a quote. Prices are based on rating plans [00:54] availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. [01:24] only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at com. [01:30] Thank you. [01:30] Hey, you weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Alayna. [01:35] And this is Morbid. [01:51] Okay, did you guys catch that that actually was not Big Red?

I mean, I do a pretty good impression if you ask me. But guys, Big Red is feeling... [02:02] Not so not not big good. She's kind of feeling big bad, I would say. [02:06] So I'm here to introduce this episode on the ones and twos all by myself. [02:12] I actually feel probably the weirdest that I've ever felt. I think I recorded one episode by myself, like way back in the laundry room days. [02:20] And it's very weird to just stare at your computer and, [02:23] and not another person so all you solo um podcasters out there i really give you a lot of credit because how do you do it honey [02:31] Okay, before we get into today's case, which is going to be a little revisit, I believe this one is the medieval torture episode, which like, wow, we're really throwing it way back there, dolls.

I think this might be when I asked if eagles had... [02:48] What did I say? Cubs. Eagles had cubs. So the good news is I'm more educated now. [02:54] They don't have cubs in case you're not as educated as me back then. [02:58] or the same level of educated that I was, apparently. Anyways, before we get into today's episode, we have two pieces of exciting news for you. Numero uno is if you're not on the social media, you don't know the big cool news. [03:13] We partnered with Hunt a Killer, who was one of our, actually not one of, [03:19] our very first sponsor on this show so that is like the coolest thing ever that like this is just such a full circle moment [03:26] We collabed with them and we've been working for the past, like, I don't even know how many months, but months and months and months of work has gone into this.

[03:34] And we developed a game with them called the Salem Slicer. I mean, can you think of a more perfect name for a game? The Salem Slicer? Like, that has Elena and Ash and Hunt a Killer written all over it. [03:46] So that is our new game collab. It's available right now for pre-order at Walmart, which is really freaking cool. Never did I ever think I'd have a game in Walmart. [03:56] It is a very, very fun game. There's all these clues. You have to solve this murder. It's from the 1980s.

It's obviously based in Salem. So basically, the game starts with this young woman named Abigail. She finds this box of evidence, basically, in her father's attic. And all of this evidence and, like, all these newspaper clippings and these kind of just, like, weird snapshots, I guess you could say— [04:21] are in this box in her dad's attic and they're all tied to the Salem Slicer. And she's like, hold up. Is my own father, my flesh and blood father, the Salem Slicer? That would change our lives because this case is way back in the 1980s.

So Abigail starts investigating and now it's your turn to start investigating because you need to solve the case of the Salem Slicer. And if you think that that sounds like the bee's knees, if you think that's just the coolest thing [04:51] should, then you need to head over to Walmart to pre-order the game. Elena and I are so stoked about this. [04:58] So that's that. That's one piece of incredibly exciting news. And guess what? It's not over, doll faces. I got more for you. I truly feel like I'm hosting my own radio show just like in the dark right now.

[05:09] It's really weird to talk to you guys completely by myself, but I love you. I feel close to you like this. [05:14] So second piece of news is Nicholas. Listen, listen, I know Nicholas is a controversial figure, but most of you love Nicholas. And if you say that you don't, I think you're [05:28] Maybe a little bit of a liar. Maybe a little bit of a liar, honey. I don't know. Or maybe you just don't know how to have fun. I'm just kidding. If you don't like him, it's fine.

But if you do like him, this is really good news for you. There is a new shirt on the Morbid website officially. [05:44] And it is a Nicholas shirt. It is dedicated to our boy in the afterlife. So go check that out. Go pre-order the Salem Slicer and wish my sissy a big, you know, I never call her my sissy. Why did I just say that? [05:57] My sister. She's my sister. Which her... [06:01] healing vibes. Wish her healing vibes and so that she gets better soon because I don't really want to cut her stomach bug and I also hate staying away from her and most of you are probably sick of hearing me alone so maybe you're not maybe you love me.

I love you. All right without further ado. [06:17] Let's get into the case. [06:20] Hey weirdos, I'm the Iron Maiden, and I'm the Breezin' Bull. [06:24] And this is Morbid. Medieval. Pass the mutton. [06:30] Huzzah. Burn some heretics. Is this a competition? No, I won. [06:41] Thank you. [06:50] woo we're back and our sounds a little better yeah do we sound crisper shout out to our bro aiden yeah does he listen [07:08] I think he does. Okay. I'll make him listen for this one. Yeah, my nephew Aiden, he's amazing, and he let us take his fancy pants microphone.

And his microphone is way cooler than our $30 one. So we're going to buy this microphone. We are going to buy it, and you'll never have to hear crappy audio again. Exactly. So hopefully from now on we're going to have crisper, cleaner, beautiful audio. Well, there was another kind of exciting true crime update. [07:35] This week? For a real bad guy. Yeah. You know that you always say he was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. A real bad guy. A real bad guy. You say that a lot. And it makes me laugh every time you say it.

Because I'm a bad guy. I'm just very simple with my descriptions. I'm like, he's a bad dude, man. Bad boys, bad boys. What you gonna do? Oh, we might get sued for singing that. Let's not sing that. Well, I didn't finish it. I didn't finish it. [08:00] Well, this bad guy is a real bad guy. He's a bad Larry. And he's the one that we premiered our podcast with. Joseph D'Angelo, the Golden State Killer, who is also officially the Visalia Ransacker, too. They've officially said that he's that guy. I mean, we need that.

[08:21] One of the big things this week was that he was charged with a 13th murder now. [08:26] We had mentioned in the episode that there was a possibility that he was involved in the killing of Claude Snelling, who was shot while he was stopping the kidnapping of his 16-year-old daughter. Oh, my God. [08:37] And he died. [08:39] He was a community college teacher. He's officially charged with that now. So that's good because... [08:45] That family deserves closure. When does the trial? Do they have a date? I don't know. I want to watch it on TV.

I'm waiting with bated breath. Do you think that it will be televised? I don't know. [08:56] To be honest. Well, it'll be on like a snap or like something later. Yeah, we'll find out about it later for sure. And we'll hear all the updates. You know, Nancy Grace will be on this shit. Oh, God. [09:07] That gives me anxiety. I mean... [09:10] He unfortunately can't be charged with any of the burglaries or rapes because there's a fucking statue of limitations on rape. [09:19] So he can't be charged with any of the rapes?

Yeah, he's not charged with any of them. The Statue of Limitations expired. Oh, I think we talked about that, but it makes me shocked. Expired. It just makes me so angry every time I see it. Because he's charged with more than 50 rapes. Right. And he's just... [09:30] I know he's going to go to jail until he dies, but it's like, and he's like 400 now, but it's like, I want him to be charged with those. And I'm sure those victims of the rapes would want him to be held accountable for him.

They should give them at least some recognition. Hopefully the judge says something like, if I could, I would. Like a ceremonial charge. Sometimes they do like, you know what I mean though? Like judges can say like... [09:56] Oh yeah. If I could, I would. If I could, I would. Like there was, I forget what case it was, but she was like, if I could, I would sentence you for life. Oh yeah. I'm not allowed. Yeah. I can't remember. And she basically was just like, Oh, in the Jill Rifkin case. [10:09] Remember?

Yes, yes. The judge was like, you're a disgusting monster. Mm-hmm. [10:14] and [10:15] I want to make sure. I think he said, like, I want to make sure that you never see freedom in this life or the next or something like that. Like, it was something very poetic and very, like. [10:24] Yeah, boy. I I'm not thinking that one. I'm thinking of a different one. And I'm like watching it in my head right now. Are you thinking of the woman judge from the. [10:34] Yeah, I know exactly. We're on the same page.

Oh my god, what's his name? Larry. [10:38] Yeah. The doctor. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Remember? She went on, like, this big, long rant. Oh, yeah. And it was, like, amazing. And she, like, threw the letter that he wrote that was bitching about how unfair it was. Yeah, and just, like, laughed at him. How unfair it was, yeah. [10:47] Yeah. Yeah. So I hope something like that happens. We're talking about the S. gymnast. [10:53] Doctor. Yeah. Who is charged with like a billion sexual assaults and rapes. Because he's a monster.

He's a bad fucking guy. But yeah. So that's exciting. True crime news. Hell yeah. [11:03] But for today, we're going to bring it way back. We are taking a trip in the... [11:09] way back machine today. Which Joanna always says that she would not do if she had a time machine. Oh, I would [11:16] Never go back to the Middle Ages. That is not... If you were like... [11:22] I don't even think it's safe for like dudes. Well, do you know what I was going to say? Not safe. I almost just said I would only go back if I was royalty, but then sometimes even royalty, sometimes your head gets chopped off.

Yeah. Yeah. [11:35] Especially if you're a woman, you're really... [11:37] Women are really not. Yeah. I wouldn't go back there. I also wouldn't go to the future. [11:41] No, I don't know what to expect. [11:44] No. I'd go to, like, the 70s and the 80s. I'd go back to, like, the 90s. [11:49] Yeah, I feel like we're in the 90s. I could watch, like, Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yeah. And just chill. Actually, realistically, I'd just go back to when I was, like, 10 so that I wouldn't have to work anymore.

And I would just stay there for a while. Just chill for a little while. Or I'd go to the future because maybe someday... [12:06] like [12:07] I'll just, like, have my partner make money. You just said you weren't going to go to the future. No, I just, but I was rethinking it. You changed your plan. I would take a sneak peek. Yeah, there you go. And then if it was real bad, I would go real. Yeah, just step out. [12:20] sniff around, see what's going on and then get right the fuck back in.

But if I could be lazy in the future I'm all about it. Oh yeah. [12:27] I think everybody would be all about that. Take me there. Who doesn't want to be lazy? [12:31] Yeah. I want to be lazy. Mail? The mailman just came and scared the shit out of me. So there's that. Yeah, guys, we're actually recording in the middle of the day, which is weird because we never record in the daytime. And I love that we're like more spooked out during the day. We are very much like moon dwellers.

We are. Like the sun's out. I'm like, what's happening? [12:53] Why is it so bright? I'm in all black currently. This is the worst. Sabrina the Teenage Witch is on the television as per usual. [13:00] Literally. Should we... [13:02] Should we jump on in? [13:03] So, in 570... No, I'm just kidding. Today we're going to be covering... [13:09] Various methods and devices used in torture. Oh, yeah. So this is kind of, we're going way back. [13:17] Because these aren't... [13:19] Not that I know of, at least used. And if they are, I don't want to know about it.

Except maybe one of them, but we'll cover that later. I kind of offer animals. [13:28] Just do it. [13:29] Actually, it went away. [13:32] I really had to. All right, so should I start? Yeah, where Ash is going to do hers, and then I'm going to do a list of mine. Because guess what weird is? Ash did some research this week. Ash researched. Too serious. At the top of the page is the brazen bull. The brazen bull. That's my first... [13:50] What's it called? My first, like... Torture device. Device. Yeah.

My first torture device. And it was invented somewhere between 570 and 554 BC. BC. So, like, way, way back. Yeah. [14:03] It was invented by Perilos of Athens. Perilos is a great name. Perilos. [14:10] It's like goatee. He's just like periling. It sounds perilous, so it sounds like... Well, just wait, actually. You're dangerous. [14:17] Dangerous. Yeah. Dangerous. Dangerous. [14:20] So Perilous was a bronze worker, and he designed the Brazen Bull to execute criminals in a super chill way. Yeah, sounds pretty chill so far. Actually, I'm kidding. It was really fucked up.

Oh. [14:31] That's weird. Yeah. So the brazen bull was a legit statue of a bull, and it was hollow but made of bronze. That's pretty. So I read an article on com, and the article was really interesting. Yeah. You know what? That website has... [14:47] All of that is interesting. Yeah, that actually does. Yeah. [14:50] But it was described as a human crockbot on this website. That sounds delicious. And potentially the most fucked up torture device in history. Yeah. [15:01] Because I use a crockpot often. For humans? But I don't normally put humans in it.

Yeah, it's just like a celebratory. Usually I throw some chicken and some veggies in there. Right. [15:12] But after this, maybe... [15:14] I'll give it a shot. Yeah, I hope it's not with me, though, because you need a podcast host. That's true. Okay, cool, bye. Yeah, it won't be for you. All right, so basically in ancient Greece, there was a colony which is Acragus. Acragus. I love it. It's now Sicily. I like that better. Just Sicily. I'm just going to call it Sicily. Yeah, and it was ruled by a tyrant named Phalaris.

[15:35] So don't get yourself mixed up here. There's Paralos, there's Falaris. Ooh, that's a lot of Ps. All right. He rolled with an iron fist. Wait, wait, I just got confused. Yeah, just totally not to. Paralos, Falaris. Okay. Paralos, Falaris. Okay. According to Aiden, we don't need a pop filter on this. Ooh. So that's exciting. Hopefully we'll find out. Yeah, so we can go pop, pop, pop, pop. [15:54] And it's not going to piss you off. Your eyes got wicked wide. Which is kind of terrifying. So, Phalaris was a giant asshole.

I felt like he would be. But Perilos was like, oh my god, I'm going to make this brass ball torture device and my master Phalaris is going to think it's super dope. Because he's a big dick. Yeah, he's a dick and I'm going to make him a dickish invention so that he thinks I'm wicked cool. Yeah. I see his train of thought. I'm with him. I smell what he's stepping in. [16:24] Thank you. [16:24] And then a fire is lit underneath. Ah, the crockpot aspect. Yeah, so basically the porn bofo just, like, burns alive.

Fun. [16:31] Yeah, it's really chill. I wonder if they have, like, a low and high setting, like a crockpot, where you can, like... [16:37] simmer them on low for a little while. Well, I think in that case, you would just make a small fire. Oh, there you go. And then you could just keep adding wood to the fire. Oh, there you go. So then you would get more tender meat. You know, this was BC. It was like they had to just work with what they had. Yeah. [16:51] But I feel like they were on it.

[16:52] No, this is like some like modern day shit. Like I was like, Paralos, how did you come up with this? Who you be, Paralos? Like, how'd you know this? [17:00] So he designed it so that the pipes and whistles that he, like, put inside the bowl... [17:05] convert the screams of those inside to sounds of a bull snorting and grunting. So this poor, like, SOB is like, but the people on the outside are like, like, that's what it sounds like. That's what a bull sounds like. Bulls just walk around going, Well, can you do your best bull impression then, please?

I like that one, to be honest. Well, they also snort. Because I'm just picturing bulls walking around being like, Well, bulls are mad. They're just, like, grunting. Fuck you. [17:35] I bet he festooned it, though. Like, he made it fun. He did. He literally added the bells and whistles onto it. Well, so, you know, he made it really fun. Yeah. But supposedly he was the first victim of it. Oh, saw that coming, I feel. Yeah. He told Phalaris. Sorry, I just totally lost my train of thought. That's fine. So supposedly he told Phalaris goodbye.

He told that guy. So he said to this guy, His screams will come to you through the pipes as the tenderest, most pathetic, [18:05] bellowings. Ooh. And Phalaris was really disgusted by that because he was messed up, but he was like, that's messed up. He was like, I have a line. Yeah. And you just went way past it. Every tyrant dictator person has a line. And this was part of Phalaris's line. So he was so disgusted that he threw him inside. [18:23] He threw Paralos inside. And in my notes I wrote, Phalaris was so disgusted that he threw Phalaris inside.

But he threw Paralos inside. He was so disgusting. They just jumped right in there. They just threw himself inside of the bowl. He's like, you know what? Goodbye, cruel world. Light that fire. I hate that people like you exist. I'm just jumping in here. Yeah, no, he threw Paralos inside to test out the sound system. Just to test it out. He wanted to know. We're just going to give it a shot. We just want to adjust the sound. [18:53] bit. Right. Jump in there real quick. You know, just like, let's see what we're working with.

Yeah. So it's unclear if he got pulled out before he died inside or if he was killed after, but either way, Phalaris had Perlis killed. [19:07] I imagine he probably did it in the brazen bull because they were like poetic as fuck. Oh, yeah. And they were like, oh, you made this. So we're going to burn you in it. Well, either way, he died because I just thought of something really gross. The smell. [19:19] Well, that, but also, can you imagine being the person that has to clean inside of it?

[19:24] Between people? Do you think they even did that then? Probably not. But it's like... [19:27] When you open that thing, it's probably just like people juice. [19:30] All up in there? Yeah. [19:33] That's nasty. Maybe they just, like, emptied it out into, like... [19:36] Imagine being the person who was empty that shit out. Well, they just used to throw their poop in the street back then. I know, but it's just like... [19:43] You just like turn your head the other way and toss it out the window. You know what it is?

I have like this weird thing where I don't like wet food. [19:51] No, that's not a weird thing. Like, you know when you put a plate in the sink, like, someone will put a full plate in the sink. Yeah, I don't like that either. And food gets soggy? Yeah. Yeah. [19:57] That. Like the stuff that gets caught in the drain blocker. Rips me out. I can't. So I just imagine like soggy people and that's. [20:04] That's real bad. That's kind of like how raisins remind me of old people. Exactly. Yeah.

That's exactly the same. I just, I don't know. You said soggy people, so I thought of just, like, really old people. But you thought of saggy people. Yes! I see where the connection was made. Okay, so the next one is The Iron Maiden. The Iron Maiden. Not the band. So metal. [20:27] Is that one of their songs? That's definitely one of their songs. I don't know a single one. It sounded just like it. [20:34] Yeah. Ash has a really good air guitar up by her shoulder. Well, I'm really comfy. It was like an air violin.

Oh, it was like one of those people that you watch, Two Cellos? Yes, I love Two Cellos. Yeah, I bet they could cover an Iron Maiden song. They're so good. I'm just itching my heart. They probably have covered an Iron Maiden song now that I think about it. [20:55] They've covered an ACDC song. Thong. [21:00] Oh, man. All right. Well, we're not talking about the band. This is the... [21:05] Torture device. Yeah. And it comes to you straight from the likes of Miss Trumbles, the Chokey. Oh, snap. Bringing it back to Matilda.

And if you don't get that reference, then get on my face. I also thought that you were going to say it comes straight to you. Like it comes to you. Somebody throws it right at you. And I was like, well, at least it does that. No, it doesn't. So it's an upright sarcophagus to get started. Oh, okay. With spikes inside. Already. This sounds okay. [21:31] Yeah, it's, like, comfy. Yeah. You just go and take a nap inside. For sure. And you just avoid the spikes. Yeah. Except. But once you're placed inside and the doors are closed, the strategically placed spikes pierce several of your vital organs.

I mean... [21:48] Was there an ant on you or something? No. I thought there was something. Things are happening right now. We're in the daytime. We don't know how to do this. We don't function in the daytime. I need the moon. Yeah. I need some bats fluttering by. I feed off the energy of the moon. I feed off the energy of the moon. We have an exciting announcement. And now you have to listen to the whole rest of the podcast because we're going to announce it at the end. Ha ha ha.

[22:09] Okay, so it pierces your vital organs. Is the moon coming on your podcast? Yes. We're having an astronaut on the podcast. The actual moon is coming. What's that guy that your kids like? Scott Kelly. Scott Kelly's going to be on the podcast. My two and a half year olds are obsessed with Scott Kelly. [22:26] Yeah, so there's that. But, um... Vital organs, spikies. Yeah, no good. But... No good. The spikes were long enough to make your... [22:35] organs shut down immediately. That's unfortunate. So you just bleed out. Oh, yeah.

[22:39] Yeah. Yeah. No, I'd just rather... [22:41] It'd all be. Boom. Yeah, it would take like... I mean, I'm sure you know how long it would take... Oh, so you just stand there... [22:46] Bleeding out. And slowly have your fucking organs shut down. [22:51] And, like, organ juice floating out of your... Ugh. Well, you know, like, when you... You see floating, like it's floating in front of you. When you go to, like... [23:00] Like when something hits you, you move back. So then you probably just move back into another one.

And then you try to move forward. So every time you move... That makes me claustrophobic. [23:07] Yeah. I just took a breath. So this might make you feel better. Oh, good. Sometimes people argue with the Iron Maiden as fact or fiction. That kind of bums me out. [23:17] Yeah, I mean, either way, it was a thing, and if it was a thing back then, they used it. Well, and we're the worst species ever. [23:24] Ever. So I'm certain it was used because if all of these other ones were done, then, I mean, this one isn't even as bad as some.

[23:32] No, it's really not. Okay, well, these are a few accounts. Okay. So in the 1700s, German philosopher Johann Philipp Siebenkis... Ooh. [23:41] You're welcome. I like it. He wrote about a coin forger, which I think is just somebody that, like, makes fake money. Yeah, that makes sense. Or, like... Or, like, just forges coins out of metals. Yeah, because, like, if you think, like, she forged a check, like, you write a bad check. Like, you're just... Or, like, a fake-ass check. You're a fake-ass hoe. You're a fake-ass bitch. Yeah. Yeah.

So, he was in... That's what he was. So, the guy that wrote about this, Johan... Oh, motorcycle just drove by. You probably heard that. Well, you know, I just can't stop the outside. My neighbor got a motorcycle, and I'm so... [24:09] happy for him which neighbor one down the street okay elena has this neighbor i'm 100 percent sure he doesn't listen to the podcast yeah i'm pretty sure he is like the nicest guy and he's so funny and his laugh is literally the most contagious laugh you've ever heard and it bellows throughout the neighborhood he almost okay i started watching dog the bounty hunter again the other day because that is something i don't know if i can support [24:34] Support it.

It's a great show. I'm not going to say that. I was raised watching Dogmoney Hunter. [24:39] Wow. [24:40] Yeah, which says a lot about how I was brought up. But hi, Mom. So anyways, it sounds just like Dog the Bounty Hunter's laugh. I've never heard Dog the Bounty Hunter's laugh. Well, it sounds like the impression I just said. I can't even say that sentence correctly, so... [24:53] So far out of that, my favorite part of yesterday's episode that I was watching was Beth had a necklace on that said, big daddy.

Yeah. [25:00] I hate this. It's the most disgusting word thing ever. I hate this. But she calls him Big Daddy. I hate it. [25:08] Okay, I'm done. I hate it a lot. Where was I going with your neighbors? I don't know. I was saying that I'm very happy for my neighbor who got a motorcycle recently. Yeah. [25:18] And, um, [25:19] I don't know if, like... [25:20] The sarcasm is registering. She's not happy. Over the podcast waves, but... [25:26] Not super psyched about it. [25:27] Alright, so the coin forger got executed.

Oh, we got there. He got executed in the Iron Maiden in the city of... [25:34] I think you say Nuremberg. Nuremberg. Nuremberg. That seems like a not-proportionate. [25:40] punishment. Yeah, like, I don't know. He probably just could have did some time. Yeah. What's the thing where they put your head and then you're... The stocks. The stocks. Just throw them in there for, like, a couple days. It's fine. Yeah. All right, so around that time, Iron Maidens began to appear in museums around the S. and Europe. Bless you. Bless you. [25:58] According to one article I read...

Yes, you do. [26:01] God bless you. A man by the name of Matthew Peacock, which seems legit. Paul Onions. Paul Onions and Matthew Peacock. Write a book. They hang. Yeah. In the 1800s. Yeah. I bet Paul Onions has transported through time. Yeah, he's seen some shit. [26:17] He escaped with Ivan Milat. Milat. He's had to have traveled through space and time. Probably. Well, Matthew Peacock's from the 1800s collecting paintings and torture devices. Yeah. [26:27] Same. He had a wide variety of interests. So he allegedly pieced an Iron Maiden together from pieces of other torture devices slash random devices.

And he gifted it to a museum where people went crazy over it. Because they thought it was a real Iron Maiden? Yeah, they believed it. What a turd. [26:46] Yeah, but here's my favorite one. This one... Okay, you know how folklore isn't always true? Yes. I feel like this isn't true, but I want it to be true. Ooh. It's just a little too advanced for the time of 100 BC. I don't know, they were pretty... [27:02] They were pretty on it back then. All right, so this account comes from Greek historian...

[27:07] Polybius. See, and I know him, and he always tells the truth. Oh, okay. So you can believe this. Well, how do I pronounce his name? Exactly how you did. Polybius. Exactly. Lived around 100 BC, like I said, and claimed that Spartan tyrant Nabus [27:21] Or Nabus. Oh, yeah. I know that guy. Yeah. Well, did you know that he constructed a mechanical likeness of his wife, Opega? [27:30] That is really advanced fur. But it was an Iron Maiden version of his wife. What the fuck? Supposedly. So if a citizen refused to pay their taxes, he would, like, trick them into coming to his royal courts or whatever it was back then.

And then they would think that, like, his wife was coming to join them. Yeah. [27:49] His fucking mechanical wife. Yeah, but she had to wheel over, so I'd be like, first fucking giveaway, she's on wheels. It sounds like the Return to Oz, the wheeler's. [28:01] Yeah, well, it just sounds ridiculous. He's come rolling down the hill. So, they would think that his wife was there, because they're really fucking dumb, apparently. But, and then somehow... [28:11] Basically, he would like spring them into her embrace where they'd be impaled by the iron nails that covered her arms, hands and breasts.

[28:19] I mean, that sounds legit. Yeah. I believe it fully. When I was reading it, I was like, I don't know. Like, something is off. Maybe I missed something. I don't know. Yeah. It sounds legit to me. [28:32] I believe it. I believe Pullwood, you know, that guy. Well, maybe they debate if it's still around, but the fucking crazy stories are still there. That's awesome. Yeah. Iron Maiden. So that was the Iron Maiden. The metal Iron Maiden. Yeah. My next one is the boots. Oh, Das Boots. [28:48] And then, okay, so there's two methods that I found.

And both of them, I don't know if it's, like, fortunate or unfortunate. Ruh-roh. You don't die. Yeah. [28:58] Oh, it's never good when it ends with like, this is just torture. Yeah, you're not going to die. You're going to walk away from it or you're going to crawl away from this or slither away from this. Seriously. Seriously. [29:08] Okay, so in the first method, the victim has boots placed on their feet made of spongy leather. [29:13] That just sounds nice. [29:14] It just sounds like soggy food. [29:18] Ooh, spongy leather, soggy food.

It's like moist. Old people raisins. Fuck you. The word moist doesn't bother me. Is that why you keep saying it? Moist cake. [29:27] That's what I think of. [29:28] Moist. [29:29] I think it's just the nasty-ass look on your face that ruins it. That word only bothers me if people say it in, like, a yucky way. Yeah. Like, I'm moist for being outside. Yeah, that's so cool. Like, if you don't want people to be moist. Yeah, that really... That browned it somewhere. Yeah, I just meant sweaty. Well, that's what I mean.

Yeah. See, you just browned it somewhere. I meant sweaty, too. So the boots. That's boots. [29:59] Um, spongy leather. They're then tied up with their feet by fire. Things get pretty serious pretty quick, is what you're saying. No, they're just trying to make them relax. Here's some boots. [30:09] Worn your feet. Let me just bring you up by a fire real quick. Yeah, just like hang out. Yeah. But then I'm going to pour this boiling water onto your boots. [30:18] That escalated quickly. So then that water seeps through the leather and dissolves the flush.

And it said it dissolves the bone, too. [30:29] Yeah, I don't think so. It's really hard to get rid of bone. And then in some cases, wood was placed inside the boot, like probably like on the top and the bottom. And then they would pour oil inside to expand the wood and cut off the circulation to the foot. So they'd like smush it, is what I thought. [30:48] Yeah, so basically your feet are just real gnarly [30:51] Gross. From then on. And then in the second version... If you cut off circulation long enough, they'll die.

Yeah. [30:56] See you. Let's have a big piece. [30:58] necrotic nasty feet. Yeah, their feet will die, but they won't. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Their feet will die. [31:03] Oh, yeah. [31:04] Gross. [31:04] Dead feet. [31:05] I'm just looking at my feet now. Ouch. I know. I'm like cradling my feet right here. You are. With my hand, I'm like massaging it like, you still there? You're there. You're okay. Don't listen. Don't listen to me. I'm not putting you in any boots. Don't worry about it. Okay, well, the second version, cradle your feet a little, and your shins a little tighter.

Oh, no. [31:23] So they would place the victim's legs between two planks of wood, and then they would tie it together with cords. Oh, I already know what this is. And then between the cords, the torturers would place wedges. [31:34] which they would then violently hammer into the shins of the victim. [31:39] So... [31:40] thus creating them [31:41] Wood boots. Oh. Ow. Those aren't boots. That's not cool. It's up for artistic license. That's like hobbling from Misery. Yeah. That Stephen King novel. That sounds horrible. It's a great movie with Kathy Bates.

[31:58] Okay, well, each time a wedge was hammered, a small portion of the shin bone shatters. Oh. And then they would hammer at least a dozen wedges up and down the legs. Oh, my damn. So, like, your whole tibia? Yeah, your tibia would just fucking... Is just done for. Like, it falls apart. Ugh. [32:15] So then your legs are just like jello legs. [32:18] And you just have bone shards floating around. Would you die? Which you'd eventually get an infection. [32:23] And die. Probably. Because anytime they got an infection back then, you die.

Shit got real. Because they had nothing to fix that. Well, so, and anyways, they were unable to walk after that. Yeah, exactly. So they probably just killed them. So you just slithered away and then died from infection. Mm-hmm. [32:36] Sounds good. So is the boots. Dust boots. [32:49] Getting scared is one thing. Getting a thrill is, well, you want more of those in your life. The Genesis GV70 is built to thrill, baby. A thrilling yet elegant design always makes driving the GV70 an exciting adventure. Its powerful athletic stance screams performance and turns heads.

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I can talk shit if I want to. I gossip all day. Yeah. Every day. You are a hairstylist. That's part of your job. [35:51] I mean, you're not wrong. [35:53] So basically the term speaks for itself because back in the day, scold was like a derogative term for women. [35:59] Or, like, a woman who was constantly displeased or, like, nagged too much. So, like, you. I was just gonna say. Yeltsi. Just kidding. And then the bridle is a headpiece designed for a horse. I was gonna say, isn't that, like, a horse?

Yeah, the bridle is. So already, that's nice. So it's to direct it when, like, riding. Yeah. The device is an iron muzzle enclosed in iron framework that would surround the head of the accused. That sounds like that thing in Saw. [36:29] speaking [36:30] And sometimes... Well, the brittle bit would go in your mouth. But sometimes... [36:35] They would put a spike on the bridle bit. Always. Or the bridle bit, excuse me. So that... [36:40] if the woman tried to talk, like, the movement would pierce her tongue. Oh, like, cut up her tongue.

And, like, then if you... [36:46] It would just ruin your whole mouth. Did they just have, like, somebody had, like, a mountain of surplus spikes lying around? You know there was a spike factory. All the time, and they were like, what do we do with this mountain of spikes? And they were like, let's just make some fucking shit that rips people apart with it. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly the combo. Spikes on everything. So if that wasn't bad enough, there's also a public humiliation part of this. I thought that was the public humiliation part.

But then your husband would drag you in the streets on a leash. Marriage. [37:16] You asshole. Um, where people were encouraged to yell insults, spit on you and... [37:23] like inflict more violence on you. Maybe that's where they got it in Game of Thrones. That's what I was thinking of the whole time. With the shame bow. Shame. Shame. Sounds exactly like it. [37:33] An early record of this practice took place in Scotland. Scotland. I felt like this isn't anything to share about. In 1567. [37:43] Well, it was also, the method was also used in England and Wales.

Yeah, see, they did it too. Yeah, everywhere, I'm sure. But Bessie... [37:51] tail-y-fur, basset, basset, slandered this guy named Bailey, which is your dog's name, Bailey, Bailey Hunter, because of false measurements in a land dispute. [38:02] So I think someone was trying to buy land and he was like, it's this big. But she was like, no, bitch, it's this big. And then she got that shit put on her? Yep, because she was a woman. And she was sentenced to it for one hour. Yeah. [38:13] One hour? [38:14] That's just weird.

Well, one hour of irreputable damage if they had the smoke thing. Yeah, they could tear up your tongue. Right. Also, in Walton-on-Thames, which is a town in England, I think, a scolds bridle. I looked on Wikipedia really fast. That's how I research. But a scolds bridle dated 1633 is displayed in the vestry of the church in [38:37] That's how we say it. Vestry? You're asking the wrong person about that? Yeah, I wasn't even baptized. The inscription reads... It sounds like something that would be in a church. I think it's vestry.

I like it. Right in. [38:49] But it says, Chester presents the Walton with a bridle to curb women's tongues that talk too idle. Necessary and also... Poetic. Love that it's a poem. You know, I didn't realize that until I said it out loud. I was writing it and I was like, what a fucking asshole. I feel like this sounds so flowery. I don't know why. [39:07] Chester lost a large fortune because of the ladies gossip. I bet it was Chester's fault. [39:12] Of course it was. It had nothing to do with the ladies' gossip.

[39:15] But he lost some money, and then he presented the town with the bridal out of anger and spite. [39:20] So he was like, here you go, I'm real pissed. And then my last one. [39:24] Do you want to guess what it's called? It's called... VR is the initials. [39:29] the... [39:30] Barnacle repairer. [39:33] Nope, it's the breast ripper. Oh, so close. So it rips off your titties. Oh, I thought it went on your head. Nope. So it's also known as the iron spider, or just the spider. And you guessed it.

Super fucked up. Super awesome. But if you were real offended by the Skulls Bible... If you were friended. If you were friended by the Skulls Bible... If you were friended by the Skulls Bible, then that's weird. Delete your Facebook. Yeah. [39:59] Then this one, you should just sit it out, because... [40:02] It was messed up. It sounds like it's... Yeah. And they, like, reserved, like, special-ass torture for girls. Yeah. That was nice of them. So this one's really short and sweet and to the point. [40:11] It was a claw-like device, ended in spikes, and they either heated it or left it cold.

[40:17] I don't know which one is worse. They would just put it on your boobies and rip your boobs right off. Or they would, like, hang it on a wall and then attach your boobies to it and then, like, yank you away. [40:29] So that the wall ripped your boobies off, kind of. Oh. And that is all my research on boobs. [40:39] In the medieval times? I'm still, like, having a moment about that. Are you? Yeah. Yeah, my boobs hurt real bad, like, thinking about that after I, like, researched. Yeah, that's a lot.

And my tongue hurt because of the scolds bridle. Yeah, I feel like everybody's going to walk away from this feeling really sore. My organs hurt because of the Iron Maiden. Yeah, that's not okay. And I felt like I was on fire because of the brazen bull. Well, I'll start mine off with one that's like the breast ripper in the sense that it... [41:07] Just gives you everything right up front. You don't have to guess what this one is all about. Okay. Okay. [41:12] It's called the Head Crusher. Like I said, pretty straightforward.

It's back in medieval times, of course. Sorry. I was actually throwing things. So what it was, was there was a bar. [41:22] that you would place your chin onto, [41:25] Then on top of your head was a cap-like device. There was a little screw... [41:30] on top that they would twist and twist and twist. And eventually it was like a vice and your head would go crunch, pop, pop, pop, pop, [41:39] Boom. It was pretty awesome. So your head would basically pop. [41:42] And it would be crushed And this happens super slowly Super painfully And the first thing that would happen Stresses me out a lot Was that your teeth Your teeth would shatter in your mouth Oh fuck I hate teeth things Yeah and then after that your eyes would pop out of its sockets Oh [41:59] No.

Yeah. No goodbye. And then boop. [42:02] Good. [42:03] Pop goes your head. Oh, that's good. Except once in a while, because a lot of these were like illicit confessions or just for punishment. [42:11] So if they were doing this to elicit a confession... [42:14] They might stop. [42:15] After they've popped your eyes out of your head, or like halfway have popped your eyes, and your teeth have shattered, and been like, okay, thank you for confessing. Like the guy from Harry Potter. And then you walk away with no teeth, and your eyes are like garbage.

[42:28] Yikes. Yeah. That reminds me of the guy from Harry Potter with that big old eye. Yeah. That's exactly the same. Oh. And a lot of these, now a lot of the ones I'm going to go over were done. [42:38] For such heinous crimes like homosexuality. Bye. Blasphemy. Bye. Witchcraft. Bye. Yeah. So. I would have my head cloned. Rijon. No, I don't think anybody would do great. [42:55] So the first big one I'm going to go over. [42:59] is called... [43:01] The Blood Eagle. Oh, this one's fucked up. I know about this.

Great, like, hard, like, dark metal band name. Oh, gosh. So... [43:08] It's probably the most nightmarish thing I've ever heard happening to a human being. Take yourself to your happy place. It was popular among Vikings. [43:17] The Vikings are just fucked up. They're known as a very mellow bunch. [43:21] So this is a departure. And it's believed by some scholars to be something done as an offering to the Norse god of war, Odin, before and after battles. So like for good luck or something. [43:32] Like, you know, some people... Like, maybe just wear your lucky socks.

Yeah. It's the same. Rub a rabbit's foot, call it a day. Pretty much the same. Call it a day. And according to 12th and 13th century scholars, it was most popular in Scandinavia, because Vikings. Uh-huh. And it was reserved when it wasn't being used just as, like, a pump-up thing for battle. This is just like a pregame. As a pregame for battle. Then it was used for literally the worst of the worst people. I don't think anybody's served this, but... No, I don't think so. [44:02] little something like this no the unfortunate captive would be kneeling or laying on their stomach it's already from there yeah not a good position to be in just try to get up obviously they would be restrained in some way to prevent them from getting up or breaking free or trying to get the fuck up out of her because something bad's gonna happen so first the back was carved [44:25] Nope.

Sometimes it would be carved in the shape of an eagle, but that was not necessary. But either way, the thing that was the most important was that they opened up your back. [44:35] In some way. [44:36] That was the main purpose. When they did that, [44:39] The victim's ribcage was then cut away from the spine with an axe, and subsequently pulled out one by one away from the spine and out through the back. And the ribcage was then pulled up to slightly resemble wings, which I have not seen a bird flying around.

[44:59] With a ribcage shot out of its back. But I'm not in Scandinavia, so I don't know. Maybe birds are different. Scandinavian listeners. Take a picture. Scandinavian listeners, let us know. [45:10] I'm spooked. Do you have crazy skeleton birds floating around? I don't know. I want pictures. I'm not going to guarantee it's not a thing. Picture it didn't happen. So, you would really have to suspend reality or give a lot of artistic license for this to resemble an eagle, but we're going with it. So, to make the wing look, you know, because this is [45:30] This looked like a bird, obviously, but...

[45:32] We could get it more authentic, right? So to take it to an entirely new level of suffering. Oh, no. No. [45:39] The victim's lungs were then pulled out one at a time and laid over the ribs, because what are wings without fleshy air bags stripped over them? [45:50] I mean... I'm in a dark place. A dark place. Who hasn't seen a bird flying around with fleshy airbags attached to them? [46:02] Who among us? Who? I don't know, bro. So obviously if the victim managed to somehow live through this torture, which who knows, stranger things have happened, they would just slowly suffocate to death after their lungs were pulled out through their back.

On top of that, [46:17] They would rub salt in the victim's wounds because... Throughout the whole time or just after at the end? Throughout the whole time because, like, if you don't season... [46:26] As you go. [46:27] then the end result is doesn't turn out the crock pot. Yeah, it's not any... I watch a lot of Food Network, and they are always saying... [46:35] Season that meat. [46:36] Ew. [46:37] So it's important. [46:38] So what was this for? Like, what did you have to do? [46:41] You're just a bad guy.

Probably. It's a real bad guy. Yeah, just being a real bad guy. Uh-huh. Or gal. I don't know if they've done it. I don't see any records of it happening to gals, but Vikings, man. Major yikes. So that's the Blood Eagle. [46:54] Oh, man. [46:56] Now let's take a little trip over to the Strapido. Strapido. Strapido. Also called Corda. Not sure why. Corda? Yeah. [47:04] I like Strappado better. Yeah. It was used to torture heretics, witches, and anyone else that stepped out of the very fine line of living in medieval times.

Yeah, like, what could you do? Basically, it's like, you had a bad day, and now you're... [47:17] in the Strapado. It was used a lot during the Spanish Inquisition [47:21] That was a fucked up time. It was a time. [47:24] It was a moment. It was a day. There were three main ways in which this was administered. The first one was the victim's arms are tied behind their backs with a rope. Also never in a good position. Yeah, no. And then the rope is attached to a pulley system, and the victim is lifted into the air with their arms inverted, which...

[47:42] They then dislocate violently behind them. [47:45] Now, the second method is basically the same as the first, except the victims would be stopped in midair several times to increase the pain and suffering. [47:53] They would also cause the victim to jerk around so that they would effectively break the shoulders. [47:58] Because who needs shoulders? Shoulders? Like, that's... Yeah, that's no joke. That's pain. And then the third method was kind of the same as the first two, except this time they, you know... [48:06] Just add a weight to your ankles so that you really get your joints ripped apart.

Oh, my God. So that's fun. Now, usually this torture was completed within an hour, and it was not used to cause death. So these people were then let down, and away you go. Come again soon. And then you're just going to have rotator cuff problems for your whole life. Yeah, that's exactly the issue you're going to have. Just a busted rotator cuff. So that's a strap-o-dough. [48:30] The next one... [48:32] is called The Rack. Oh no, I know about this shit. This one's fun. So in The Rack, a victim would be secured to a board of some sort by having their wrists and ankles cuffed to it.

No. It's never good when you're secured to a board, as you will see when we cover John Wayne Gacy. [48:51] Never a good place to be. Fuck that guy. Nothing good happens attached to a board. He's so weird. Also, Dean Correll, I think he's the board. [48:58] - Ooh. [48:59] A lot of boards. This was along the same lines. It's real bad. [49:03] So then chains would be attached to the cuff and the other end of the chains would attach to a wheel. [49:08] There was a crank that would then turn said wheel, and this would cause the chains to slowly tighten.

Oh, no. Now, as this happened, it was pulling your arms and legs and stretching them. Goodbye. But not just stretching. [49:22] The joints, sockets, ligaments, tendons would all completely snap and crash. Ugh! [49:28] Now, sometimes they would even go way past stretching and just pull the fucking limbs right off your body. Fuck you. Now, if they didn't take it that far, the muscles would completely lose the ability to contract, and at some point, this person would be... [49:42] They're completely unable to move and likely unable to control, like, basic bodily functions, like their bowels.

I feel like at the end of this, they probably just, like, left them to die. Like, I don't... You know what I mean? Like, they're just like, hmm, I'm not gonna totally kill you, but... Exactly. I'm just gonna leave you here now. Because you're gonna die anyway, so it's, like, it's gonna be slow or it's gonna be relatively quick. So there were... [50:04] other variations on this method that were common. Like along with the stretching, sometimes the rack would include [50:10] A bed of nails. Or spikes. [50:13] So the person would lay upon these sharp objects while they were being stretched.

What, if they just had any spikes left over from everything else they laid? If they were next to a pile of spikes, they would just throw a few on there, and they were like, let's do this. Oh, and there were spikes everywhere in those days. Yeah, we don't want to waste spikes. [50:28] No. Somebody made those. Now this clearly caused a lot of [50:34] fucked up noises. Ugh. If you've ever cracked your knuckles, cracked your back, heard anybody else do it, um, I broke my pelvis when I was, like, in...

[50:43] Summer going into eighth grade. Mm-hmm. And that pop that you hear, people, like, across my summer camp said that they heard it. And it was, like, gross. Yeah, it's no joke. I can, like, still hear it. Yeah. It's disgusting. And that's just, like, a small portion of what you'd hear here. Oh, God. Because... [50:58] So many things would be crackalackin'. Well, for this reason, torture wasn't only used for the unfortunate person attached to the rack. It was also used as a method of eliciting a confession from accused heretics by having them watch someone else be tortured on the rack.

[51:15] The sound inside of someone's tendons, ligaments, and joints just fucking tearing apart and popping all over the place was actually enough torture that it turns out that this was a pretty effective method. [51:27] for eliciting a confession, because if you think about it, you're fucking watching somebody be pulled apart. [51:31] Slowly. That's so messed up. And the sounds would drive you mad. Yeah. [51:36] So, yeah, that's the rack. That's the rack. That's the rack. And that's a wrap. She'll be called the ripper. Ripper. The ripper. The rack ripper. Ouchie.

[51:47] That's what the breasts... [51:49] Ripper. Should have been called the Rack Ripper. [51:51] Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. Oh, my God. That was funny. Good job. Incredulous. You're, like, sometimes hilarious. I am sometimes. Only a little bit.